The things you reach for do not have places to be held; this much is certain. Now it's begun again, this staying up late and waking early with hardly any sleep between. Before, there was someone, something. Now there is just the dying breath of summer and my beating heart, thick with clotted blood and all the reasons I have to call. I'm terrible at keeping secrets and this distance is unfortunate, unfair; how many ways can I say it? I'm awake and I see-saw; trust, mistrust, can you promise me the truth? Life began and yet remains mere metres above sea level; some long-missing part of me is somehow decided on a match, it creates sparks, it sets me on fire; I want to believe. I can no longer tell the difference nor decide which I have loved more, only now it all seems to fit. You open your mouth and there is blinding light; I open mine and the wind just takes everything, these days. I've held out, I've held on. That must count for something,
