Dude.
Im a terrible person, or at least a terrible friend.
I dont know what happened I used to be nice and stuff. And keep my word. And keep plans. Ugh.
Oh well. I really just feel bad that I dont feel bad, if that makes sense. I feel like I should be worried, or try to change my actions. But, really, I dont care enough. That is probably hurtful and I dont mean to hurt people, but once again, apathy wins. I dont feel as if I am wrong. And Ive thought about it lots.
I talked to Jason Jones on the phone tonight. He is cool and I want to move home so we can go dancing together. That would rock.
I also went to a barbeque today, which was very nice. I got to talk to people from swing dance, just relax and make jokes and have a good time. It was really fun and just plain enjoyable.
While at the barbeque though, I had a moral dilemma. C said that if you do what you think is best in every situation, then by definition you are true and a good person. Even if you make plans with someone, then better plans come up and you ditch the first plans, you are not a bad person because you were doing what you thought was the right thing to do.
So the real question is: Is what you feel you want to do necessarily always the right thing to do? And if so, how can you say that someone elses judgement is wrong? How is anyone wrong, if everyone is answering only to themselves? Does this mean there is a greater good, and a higher power that everyone should answer to? Is the individual fallible plainly by existence?
I think this moral dilemma has been compounded by the fact that I am currently reading White Oleander by Janet Fitch. So good. It is really making me think and I have been highly engrossed in its pages for the past couple days. Its actually a huge surprise that I am online right now, and not reading.
Ive come to discover that books are bad for me because they make me think. And when I think, I dont sleep or eat or do anything I should. Besides go to barbeques and talk to people who just exacerbate the problem
Im a terrible person, or at least a terrible friend.
I dont know what happened I used to be nice and stuff. And keep my word. And keep plans. Ugh.
Oh well. I really just feel bad that I dont feel bad, if that makes sense. I feel like I should be worried, or try to change my actions. But, really, I dont care enough. That is probably hurtful and I dont mean to hurt people, but once again, apathy wins. I dont feel as if I am wrong. And Ive thought about it lots.
I talked to Jason Jones on the phone tonight. He is cool and I want to move home so we can go dancing together. That would rock.
I also went to a barbeque today, which was very nice. I got to talk to people from swing dance, just relax and make jokes and have a good time. It was really fun and just plain enjoyable.
While at the barbeque though, I had a moral dilemma. C said that if you do what you think is best in every situation, then by definition you are true and a good person. Even if you make plans with someone, then better plans come up and you ditch the first plans, you are not a bad person because you were doing what you thought was the right thing to do.
So the real question is: Is what you feel you want to do necessarily always the right thing to do? And if so, how can you say that someone elses judgement is wrong? How is anyone wrong, if everyone is answering only to themselves? Does this mean there is a greater good, and a higher power that everyone should answer to? Is the individual fallible plainly by existence?
I think this moral dilemma has been compounded by the fact that I am currently reading White Oleander by Janet Fitch. So good. It is really making me think and I have been highly engrossed in its pages for the past couple days. Its actually a huge surprise that I am online right now, and not reading.
Ive come to discover that books are bad for me because they make me think. And when I think, I dont sleep or eat or do anything I should. Besides go to barbeques and talk to people who just exacerbate the problem
Just be true to yourself. If those people around you think you are a bad person, then they aren't worth being around. Soon enough, they will make their way out of your life and everything will seem better and more calm. Make yourself happy. If you feel like being selfish, just do it. It will make you happier in the long run.
ps i am slowly recovering.....
[Edited on Jul 11, 2004 10:50AM]