I watched a A Guide to recognising Your Saints last night, it really has bummed me out! i woke up at 5.30 this morning just really upset about everything that's going on. i just had a major panic about what's happening in my life and what i'm going to do when i am actually on my own and how i'll cope. I do think that i'm stronger than i thought i was, just some things make me worry that my capacity to cope with things and be positive is waining.
Also matt met someone at the leeds fest which is fair enough, i'm kind of seeing James so it's fine, but it's really bothering me that she's fucking 17! it woudln't bother me so much if it was just a Leeds fest thing but they have kept in touch and Matt doesn't seem to think that the age is an issue 'cos she 'doesn't act 17'. I think it bothers me because we couldn't sort things out and make eachother happy, or when it gets to me, it makes me feel like I couldn't make HIM happy, but a 17 year old can. it makes me feel like shit. So all that came out at 5.30am so i put on the news and fell back to sleep eventually. Maybe i needed that because i think i seem to feel a bit better about things now, i think!
I definatley need a cheering up today, not sure how tho, I also have mega horrible period pains too, boo! I need to turn this around, i can't do with feeling like this again, it will break me! think happy thoughts think happy thoughts...
(i don't have word on my Mac anymore so i can't spell check... ah well...)
Also matt met someone at the leeds fest which is fair enough, i'm kind of seeing James so it's fine, but it's really bothering me that she's fucking 17! it woudln't bother me so much if it was just a Leeds fest thing but they have kept in touch and Matt doesn't seem to think that the age is an issue 'cos she 'doesn't act 17'. I think it bothers me because we couldn't sort things out and make eachother happy, or when it gets to me, it makes me feel like I couldn't make HIM happy, but a 17 year old can. it makes me feel like shit. So all that came out at 5.30am so i put on the news and fell back to sleep eventually. Maybe i needed that because i think i seem to feel a bit better about things now, i think!
I definatley need a cheering up today, not sure how tho, I also have mega horrible period pains too, boo! I need to turn this around, i can't do with feeling like this again, it will break me! think happy thoughts think happy thoughts...
(i don't have word on my Mac anymore so i can't spell check... ah well...)
There is no point in worrying about something you can't control. Don't worry about how you'll cope, you just will. You worry too much. I know you say that you like being around people but trust me when I say this - you will love being more independant, you will love your own space.
If you tell yourself you might not cope, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, so don't do it
Ok, the 17year old thing. I do think that is quite young, BUT, the best thing for you to do now is stop even hearing about what he's doing with whom. I know this is really hard.
When I seperated from Dave it was so hard hearing about him being with Rachel and I was wondering the same thing - what could she do that I couldn't. That mentality is really self-destructive though and you have to just completely stop even hearing anything about it.
It's difficult to do but it's the best way to stop that insecurity, just tell yourself it's none of your business anymore
Finally, we all love you x