emma35

my photo final in full:

Throwing it away


Taking the plunge


Not taking the plunge


Taking the blame


Coming clean


Staying clean


Roasting in oklahoma



Failing at everything


Burying the past


Burning the past



There is a bird cawing in a tree outside the window. It woke me up.

I had a dream about leaving....leaving shannon, and leaving this place. I was waiting for him to come back when two guys tried to come up to the building I was in. They saw me and I was very scared because I was all alone. I had a gun and I pulled it out and fired it up in the air (even though I was inside!) so they would know not to fuck with me. They proceeded to pull out their guns and shoot at me. I saw their faces and one of them was anthony. I was so shocked and couldn't belive what was happening so then I come out and start screaming at him and the other person for shooting at me. There is some kind of party (drinking type party) going on around us now and shannon returns. Anyway nobody seems to think it is a big deal we both just could have died but I'm more angry because there were shots fired directly at me, and I didn't do that to them. I punched the other guy in the arm and I wanted to hit anthony too just to feel better..because in my dream they knew they were firing at me.....and I can't hit that hard so it wouldn't have mattered...but he won't let me. Fast forward and I am running away from the place towards my car, which is rather far away. Shannon is running trying to catch up with me and finally does, and stops me and tells me he won't let me leave. Then I remember calling my dad and telling him I'm giving shannon and this place one more chance.











I need to clean my room up today. My mother is flying in tommorow. I have finals next week. I'm so excited to go to South Carolina!!! This is really what I needed. No work, no school.....just a relaxing break.

Jessica is coming this saturday too so I am looking forward to that too. And finally my pepper spray came in, so dont' fuck with me when I'm running on some trails or else!!!




i don't know why anthony was trying to shoot me in my dream but that sucks cause he's my friend so why would he do that? More crap to tell the therapist when I go see her for the last time before the break. I don't really like that she thinks me and shannon aren't going to stay together. It really irks me. enough to not go see her anymore. Fucking pessimistic people. I feel like I'm the only person holding things up sometimes....like I'm the only one with faith that things (anything really) will work out.
I suppose there are others who belive the same, but just let their pessimism take hold and that's what comes out of their mouths instead of the positive stuff.

blah i'm ranting...
i need to drive back to norman.


later.