Monday Nov 15, 2004

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this is disgusting. i'm sorry, but it is. I used to wash my hair in the sink when I was in a hurry but EWWWW! I mean, EWWWWWW. it's like that a lot too. stupid nasty bitches that live on my floor can't clean up after themselves. I can't believe I get to move out friday!!! fuck yea.

I finally came up with an idea for my photo project...(isn't my microwave dirty?!) Not quite as disgusting as the sink I suppose.












i'm really fucking depressed. i would say i need help but i don't think that anyone can or will help. just a phone call or something...anything would be nice....and I guess its that I keep putting all this pressure on one person for my happiness. that's probably not a good thing. The more I think about it, the more helpless I feel. I can tell things are getting worse but I don't know what to do about anything.

i guess i have the donnas concert wednesday to look forward to. and i get to see my friend jessica who i miss a lot. so should I go to the doctor and be like hey man i'm depressed....or just wait it out and see if things get better?

it's been like the last month or so where i'm just sad all the time and crying.....and i feel so distant from everyone. There are still times when I am okay though, don't get me wrong. since I am on a rant i might as well say this too.....I don't feel desired. It's nice to feel wanted and I feel very unwanted. I'm not saying that I feel unloved. I know i am loved. But I feel that I make the first move constantly. I want to please, and I try so hard and never get the same dedication in return. Any thoughts on this? there's no nice way to bring it up. I think a lot of my lonliness stems from not feeling desired. whatever though





i'm gonna go ahead and get that tetanus shot too because I don't want to take any chances. I don't think the railing was horribly rusty, but if it is and I got cut that would make sense to get my shot since I am about four years over due.

VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
mcsc:
depression medications suck. don't become another person that is defined by their prescriptions. we always said we wouldn't medicate, i'll come beat you in the head kiss

you should get away, and shake the funk. i was in a huge icky pangy-ness funk in cali and part of when i first got back. seeing old friends is always good. good ones; and not destructive ones. yes. something like that. i'd call ya wink if i had a noncell phone number ooo aaa moo.

took out my nipple barbell today. so now there is no longer the ability to "suck my left one" sad.

surreal
outlawtrick:
I used to, well kind do tend to be depressed for the same kind of reasons. But for some reason it has never really bothered me. I guess at times it feels that my mind is filled with just pure chaos I havent a clue what to do with myself and Im not the type of person to vent my problems on other people so I just end up becoming a loner for a while. I think at some point most people have trouble relating to others, fuck I know I do more the most. But I find that the small amount of people that I can relate to in the human population makes it wroth the hardship.


and your microwave is a bit dirty.

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