emilyrocks

so last night was pretty fantastically bad. joey persuaded me to drive up to gv after school to hang out with him. but he really wanted to get drunk so we went 'camping' with a bunch of the idiots i used to hang out with when i lived up there. i really didn't want to be there. i don't even know what happened really, but i lost my cell phone during the night and i completely freaked out. went completely nuts. screaming and yelling and punching and threatening. it was not a pretty sight. i don't even know what it was about, really. i guess it was just a combination of a whole lot of shit. like not having any money. and not having any gas. and watching joey and holly was probably part of it. not entirely sure why but it was. and then my phone disappeared and i just lost it. and i was freaking out about that and the asshats surrounding me were fucking mocking me. what the hell would i do without my cell phone seriously? there are so many important numbers that i don't have written down anywhere else. and i didn't want to be there. i just wanted to leave. but i couldn't very well leave without my phone. so i had to stay there. which sucked cause it was really fucking cold. and then there's all the shit with joey. i love him to pieces, i really do. and while i realize that the likelyhood of us ever getting together is slim to nil, and while i'm mostly okay with that, the idea of him and holly just makes me so angry, she's been suck a fucking cunt about it. and she's been fucking with his head and i can't stand the mind game thing. if she fucks with his head one more time i swear... grrr...

so yeah everyone thinks i'm retarded. which i am, i think. and i feel like shit now. so i really would just like to go to bed and sleep until i have to go back to school on tuesday. aaaaaand... break!

xo

ps i just puked up most of the pizza i was forced to eat today.

begin downward spiral into self destruction.