emiloo

I don't feel like going into details, but I found my guinea pig last night suffocated in a plastic bag full of her food that was on the bed. I let her on the bed so she could stretch her legs a little and run around, and went on a walk, came back and she's face first in a bag on the floor. She was so still. I almost fucking puked, not because it was disgusting, but because I was horrified. I had to have my mom check to see if she was really dead because i couldn't do it. I kept waiting for her to breathe or move, but she was so still. Then I spent 45 min. digging a hole in the dry, rock solid earth to bury her in. I only slept 2 hours last night then I had to work at 7am.

I can't even describe how devastated I felt. What a fucking horrible way to die. And I KNOW it wouldn't have happened if I had just paid more attention to her and been more cautious, instead of leaving her to roam for almost 2 hours. I barely even paid attention to her in the last month. I haven't really held her or played w/ her in weeks.

Maybe some people think I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but she was a helpless little creature with her life basically in my hands and I fucked up and now she's dead. And it wasn't a nice death. Wasn't much of a life, either. I just wish I could turn back time and be a better mommy.

I'll miss her little squeaks.

R.I.P. Clover, 2002-2005