emiloo

I've recently come to the conclusion that I am a real fucking pushover. I often let my friends walk all over me. Whenever they ask me to do something, I'll pretty much do it, even if I reeaaally don't want to. Part of it is the fact that they can be really persuasive and persistant, but mostly it's because I'm way too concerned with what other people think. I really don't like letting people down or hurting their feelings, but it's getting to the point where I end up in situations where I feel really uncomfortable or just downright miserable, and I can't let that happen anymore. I used to get pissed at other people for "making" me do stuff I didn't want to, but now I realize that I have no right to be upset with someone else for that because it's not their fault that I'm too much of a wimp to say no. I'm really more of a stay-in and chill w/ friends kind of person, not a go-out and meet people kind of person. I like going out every now and then to go dancing or something, but I'm not into the bar scene and I'm not one to go out just to be out and around people. People scare me, haha. But lately I've been doing a lot of that, and every time I haven't had much fun. It's not because of the people I go with, because I do enjoy their company. Just not in that kind of environment. I feel weird, and I feel like growling at every one who comes near me. (Especially random drunk guys who want to buy me drinks. If I want a drink I'll buy it myself, fucker.) So I've decided that I need to start putting my foot down when it comes to my feelings, because I'm really starting to feel like shit about myself for letting this happen so much. Also, I feel like shitty company for the person I'm with when we go out, and that's not cool either. And I can't keep doing favors for people all the time, either, whether it be my BOSS or my DAD or, occasionally, my friends. I feel like I'm just stretching myself too thin, and I feel like I'm kind of losing myself in the process. Apparently I haven't been myself lately, which quite a few people have pointed out, and I can feel it too. I think it's just cuz I'm bummed for feeling like everyone's bitch, for putting everyone's feelings before mine, which I actually used to strive to do, but I think it's taking it's toll. So yeah, needs to start standing up for myself. I hope this doesn't offend, cuz I know there are a couple people who read this who didn't know I felt this way and may think I'm blaming them or something, which I really don't intend it to sound like because that's not true. I just need to start looking out for myself more.

Thanx for reading my vent. Oh, and btw, scrambled eggs mixed with salsa is really good. Try it.