Man I'm tired.
I hate this whole wedding business w/ Melissa. She's still not sure if she's gonna do it...and it's in 12 hours.
She wants to run away to Canada, at least for the weekend. If she actually gets the fuckings nuts to do it, I'm gonna go with.
I've been crying a lot tonight, because I'm afraid for my friend and I don't know what's going to happen with her, and I'm tired of waiting to find out. And I hate feeling like a sucker for being the only person who is still here for her and still trying. I have a feeling that I've been wasting my time, and everyone else has already figured that out. I'm so tired of saving her ass.
Should I just tell her she's on her own and watch her ruin her life? Or should I get further trapped in the mess and aid in stopping the whole thing? It's not my place.....it's really not my place. I'm not responsible. But I can't just sit back and do nothing.
Am I willing to take the blame? Is it worth the risk to save someone who will never have the guts to save herself?
God. It's today. I'm going to be participating in something that I totally don't agree with or believe in, and that is so against everything in my nature. It's against everything in my system. I'm going to be sitting there, in my pretty little bridesmaid dress which I don't have $130 for (OH by the way, I am about 100-120 dollars in debt, thats a whoooole different story,) and not breathe except for the gasps of air between sobs, and watch a piece of me die with that girl. I never realized how much I care about her until now. And it's funny, because we have nothing in common, and she hasn't always been a good friend, in fact she's very selfish and unreliable and lies a lot, but she has been there for me when I needed someone, and she is one of those rare people who gets joy out of seeing people she cares about happy.
Well, whatever happens today, whether I wind up in Canada or at a sad wedding, I need some sleep to get through it.
I kind of hope I don't wake up.
I hate this whole wedding business w/ Melissa. She's still not sure if she's gonna do it...and it's in 12 hours.
She wants to run away to Canada, at least for the weekend. If she actually gets the fuckings nuts to do it, I'm gonna go with.
I've been crying a lot tonight, because I'm afraid for my friend and I don't know what's going to happen with her, and I'm tired of waiting to find out. And I hate feeling like a sucker for being the only person who is still here for her and still trying. I have a feeling that I've been wasting my time, and everyone else has already figured that out. I'm so tired of saving her ass.
Should I just tell her she's on her own and watch her ruin her life? Or should I get further trapped in the mess and aid in stopping the whole thing? It's not my place.....it's really not my place. I'm not responsible. But I can't just sit back and do nothing.
Am I willing to take the blame? Is it worth the risk to save someone who will never have the guts to save herself?
God. It's today. I'm going to be participating in something that I totally don't agree with or believe in, and that is so against everything in my nature. It's against everything in my system. I'm going to be sitting there, in my pretty little bridesmaid dress which I don't have $130 for (OH by the way, I am about 100-120 dollars in debt, thats a whoooole different story,) and not breathe except for the gasps of air between sobs, and watch a piece of me die with that girl. I never realized how much I care about her until now. And it's funny, because we have nothing in common, and she hasn't always been a good friend, in fact she's very selfish and unreliable and lies a lot, but she has been there for me when I needed someone, and she is one of those rare people who gets joy out of seeing people she cares about happy.
Well, whatever happens today, whether I wind up in Canada or at a sad wedding, I need some sleep to get through it.
I kind of hope I don't wake up.