Siiigh....I hate research papers. I get so distracted...the fact that I am typing on a computer that has access to the internet makes it nearly impossible to concentrate. Maybe I should take work off on Weds and try to finish it at the library. As long as I have it done by Thurs.
So I actually had a good, looong conversation with John last night. It was the rarest of the rare, cuz he haaates talking on the phone. Granted he was a little fucked up from his sleeping pills that don't make him sleep, rather just make him think entirely too much. But I am really happy I was able to witness with my ears all the crazy thoughts going through his head. I understand and connect w/ people so much better when they are on drugs, I'll never understand it. We talked about the randomest and weirdest and deepest of shit. I had just been watching Waking Life which had already put me in a philomasophical kinda mood, and the words just rolled off my tongue into his ear through his brain and then back to me, translated and relayed through his own perceptions to produce a perfect response, and it just flowed on. You leanr so much about yourself when you start theorizing on the spot and say it outloud, and you learn so much about he other person doing the same thing. RAMBLE ramble ramble....here I go again.
Our computer pissed me off SOOOOOOOO much last night!! Piece of shit kept sporadically shutting down or freezing. It's weird because the one we use now is relatively "new", even though it's a 99. It was my brothers which he built, but since he moved out last weekend, he let us keep it to replace our 95 that we had forever. We actually just set it up this weekend, and its already giving me more problems than the old one. So i call him up last night at 12 and tear him a new asshole out of my frustration, as if it's his fault that his old computer doesn't like me. I felt kinda bad...oh well. We ended up talking for a long time. He makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes...I know that he knows that I have absolutely no direction in my life right now, but I get the feeling that he thinks I'm going to be lost all my life. That upsets me, because although I don't have a plan as such because I have no idea what the fuck to do w/ my life, (haha....what a funny concept. What do do with YOUR LIFE. What is there to do but live???) I don't feel hopeless about it anymore, because I have developed a sense of somehow knowing that I'm going to make it, whatever it is. But hearing the doubt in his voice kinda puts me back to that "my life is pointless and I will never be happy" stage. I think for me its not so much where I end up, but how the hell am I going to get there. I hate doing all the in-between work, because I feel like I always get lost along the way.
Good god am I talky. If anyone has read this far, I beg of you, please stop wasting your life trying to decipher my trivial thoughts, unless you feel they somehow help you decipher your own.
I think I'm in a weird mood.
So I actually had a good, looong conversation with John last night. It was the rarest of the rare, cuz he haaates talking on the phone. Granted he was a little fucked up from his sleeping pills that don't make him sleep, rather just make him think entirely too much. But I am really happy I was able to witness with my ears all the crazy thoughts going through his head. I understand and connect w/ people so much better when they are on drugs, I'll never understand it. We talked about the randomest and weirdest and deepest of shit. I had just been watching Waking Life which had already put me in a philomasophical kinda mood, and the words just rolled off my tongue into his ear through his brain and then back to me, translated and relayed through his own perceptions to produce a perfect response, and it just flowed on. You leanr so much about yourself when you start theorizing on the spot and say it outloud, and you learn so much about he other person doing the same thing. RAMBLE ramble ramble....here I go again.
Our computer pissed me off SOOOOOOOO much last night!! Piece of shit kept sporadically shutting down or freezing. It's weird because the one we use now is relatively "new", even though it's a 99. It was my brothers which he built, but since he moved out last weekend, he let us keep it to replace our 95 that we had forever. We actually just set it up this weekend, and its already giving me more problems than the old one. So i call him up last night at 12 and tear him a new asshole out of my frustration, as if it's his fault that his old computer doesn't like me. I felt kinda bad...oh well. We ended up talking for a long time. He makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes...I know that he knows that I have absolutely no direction in my life right now, but I get the feeling that he thinks I'm going to be lost all my life. That upsets me, because although I don't have a plan as such because I have no idea what the fuck to do w/ my life, (haha....what a funny concept. What do do with YOUR LIFE. What is there to do but live???) I don't feel hopeless about it anymore, because I have developed a sense of somehow knowing that I'm going to make it, whatever it is. But hearing the doubt in his voice kinda puts me back to that "my life is pointless and I will never be happy" stage. I think for me its not so much where I end up, but how the hell am I going to get there. I hate doing all the in-between work, because I feel like I always get lost along the way.
Good god am I talky. If anyone has read this far, I beg of you, please stop wasting your life trying to decipher my trivial thoughts, unless you feel they somehow help you decipher your own.
I think I'm in a weird mood.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
why tentacles you say
cos there all wriggly and cool, as are octupi and squids and any freakish drawing of said tentacle stuff.
heheheheh
I think I'll watch some sailor moon tonight!