I went out today spending money I didn't need to spend. I choked while chewing an almond which fucked up my vocal chords and gave me the voice of an old lady who smoked 3 pakcs a day since the age of 12. That rocked. I danced around my house for almost an hour. I had fun at work. I came home and got online. That was my day. What was yours?
We have this wallpaper in our dining/computer room that is just a repeating pattern of vines and buds. When I was little i discovered that in the pattern there is an image of an old lady and her dogs. One is a puppy, one is a poodle, one you can only see the top of his head. The old lady has her hair in a bun.
I have been having trouble controlling my eating disorder lately. I keep wanting to eat and eat, then I panic. I have been working out a lot lately, too. I wish I could have the working out part minus the bulimia, but it has never worked that way. I'll be ok. Please don't feel sorry for me, there's nothing to feel sorry about and I'm just writing.
I like reading Katie's journals. I wish I could steal many of her qualities, like the fearlessness and the drive. I also wish I could steal her body. It would make a nice replacement.
I don't want to live with John in the fall. I want to be with John still, but I'd really like to have my own place. Just a little studio apt, so i can decorate it how I want and run my own life and not have anyone tell me I'm doing it wrong. I want to talk to him about it, but he hasn't answered his phone all day. I need to be completely free and independant, at least for one year. It would be so much better than just moving out so I can latch onto someone who will help me. I need to do it on my own. I need that strength.
It's pretty shitty when you don't look nice or preppy enough to go into regular stores w/out getting dirty looks, but you also don't look hardcore or unique enough to go into fetish or goth stores w/out getting dirty looks. I went into both today.
I like not fitting in anywhere because I don't get typecasted or labeled, but I don't like not fitting in anywhere because I feel lost. But I 'm not lost to myself. People just misplace me.
I like grass. It makes me happy.
We have this wallpaper in our dining/computer room that is just a repeating pattern of vines and buds. When I was little i discovered that in the pattern there is an image of an old lady and her dogs. One is a puppy, one is a poodle, one you can only see the top of his head. The old lady has her hair in a bun.
I have been having trouble controlling my eating disorder lately. I keep wanting to eat and eat, then I panic. I have been working out a lot lately, too. I wish I could have the working out part minus the bulimia, but it has never worked that way. I'll be ok. Please don't feel sorry for me, there's nothing to feel sorry about and I'm just writing.
I like reading Katie's journals. I wish I could steal many of her qualities, like the fearlessness and the drive. I also wish I could steal her body. It would make a nice replacement.
I don't want to live with John in the fall. I want to be with John still, but I'd really like to have my own place. Just a little studio apt, so i can decorate it how I want and run my own life and not have anyone tell me I'm doing it wrong. I want to talk to him about it, but he hasn't answered his phone all day. I need to be completely free and independant, at least for one year. It would be so much better than just moving out so I can latch onto someone who will help me. I need to do it on my own. I need that strength.
It's pretty shitty when you don't look nice or preppy enough to go into regular stores w/out getting dirty looks, but you also don't look hardcore or unique enough to go into fetish or goth stores w/out getting dirty looks. I went into both today.
I like not fitting in anywhere because I don't get typecasted or labeled, but I don't like not fitting in anywhere because I feel lost. But I 'm not lost to myself. People just misplace me.
I like grass. It makes me happy.