emiloo

So John and I broke up. For some reason I'm really not that sad...I think the fact that for the past 3 weeks I didn't feel like I had a boyfriend anyway kinda softened the blow. He just didn't seem to care enough anymore, despite all that he said. But actions speak louder than words, and his actions were barely audible. We're still talking...if you can call it that since our conversations never last more than about 8 minutes cuz he's always too "busy" playing poker or fucking around to talk. He's giving me all this "I still love you" and "I'm sorry it ended this way" bullshit, but I'll believe it when I see it. He's becoming more and more of a sheep anyway, and it's such a turnoff that I'm kinda relieved to get out of it before he's completely converted to "stupid college kid." Yuck. It's gonna be hard when he comes home to visit though. I don't know why but I just can't not love this kid. Sigh. SO yeah...just trying to keep my head up. One thing that has been keeping me well distracted is my rekindled love for Incubus! Oh man am I happy that they are coming out w/ a new album that so far looks to be better than Morning View. Man was that not good...it was so sappy and borderline pop. I think that the first single-accompanied by a video that exemplifies Bush's idiotical tyranny-shows potential. And Brandon is looking damn hot, of course So I've just been spending my spare time fantasizing about going on tour w/ them as the opening act and then fucking Mr. Boyd's brains out after every show, and so far that has been my rock through this thing. Mmmhmm Hehe.

My back is killing me from shoveling snow. I only shoveled for about 10 minutes, but apparently I am weaker than I thought. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning today because I was having this dream where I was singing in some bar, and whenever I have dreams about singing I somehow happen to make up kickin songs like it's nothing. So when I woke up I was like "I can't let this one get away!" and I ran downstairs to figure out all the notes on my violin. (Cuz I suck at guitar.) So I wrote the notes down and some lyrics and kabam, I thought I had an awesome song. After I woke up the second time I looked at the paper where I wrote it down and tried to sing it again, only to discover that it only sounds good to the half-asleep. Grr. That happens every time.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if people walked around naked on a normal basis, and the more clothes you wore the more "indecent" you were? Would this result in a general higher body image among the masses or just increase the demands of plastic surgery? With nothing to diguise our "flaws" would people be more self-concious or more accepting? Maybe we'd all be healthier...in fact I'm almost positive we would be. I mean, u see all these "uncivilized" (I use quotations a lot..) tribes who walk around naked and have big bellies and saggy boobs who seem perfectly happy with their natural forms. Clothes are evil, no? Then again...it is 20 degrees out where I live, so maybe clothes aren't all that bad. Anyhoo...hope I didn't bore anyone. Thanx to the people who told me to hang in there...all 2 of u, haha. I do appreciate it. I'm off to attempt a one-woman back massage. Byebye.