emelaeth

spent the day packing up stuff....things i never moved a year and a half ago that my mom wants out of her house for more room and things i own that i don't use but don't want to get rid of quite yet ..... i also took all of my canvases off their stretcher frames so that i could bring them back with me....i have no way of transporting them fully stretched....which means that at some point i'm going to have to re-stretch them --- not fun at all

am going to minneapolis tomorrow....going to see Le Tigre tomorrow night at First Avenue with Hans and staying there tomorrow and possibly Wednesday night...am not sure about the second night yet....

it will be the last time that i see him for quite awhile...i wont be back here until the end of December ....

my friend kim is planning her wedding....to the boy that we all knew she would marry .... i don't have any urge at all to be married ... and wonder if i ever will

marriage scares me .... people changing after they are married scares me .... but so many of the people i know are getting married and settling down which makes me wonder if there is something missing in me .... that marriage isn't something that i am at all concerned about --- i start to wave my hand frantically in front of my face when the thought occurs--- i would like someone around though.... someone to do things with and care about and be with .... but is it always this hard? is it supposed to be this hard? it makes me angry sometimes...angry at myself angry at situations....i just want simple ... simple and honest .... and when will i be in a situation where i am not continually leaving? That makes me sad too

i'm going to miss things....Bob's, Pandora's, The Egg and I, Uptown, drinking at the Tower, hanging out with my friends Barb, escottie, scott, and most of all Hans....waking up and stumbling out to the living room looking for a haze of smoke and a steaming cup of black coffee ...

ok ... nostalgia is beginning...time for me to go