i'm depressed....
time with the boy was nice...i had decided to speak to him about what he was up to ... acting more boyfriendy and his once again "moves" at night....because i needed to find out what was going on....i tried to broach the subject in a non-threatening jokingly manner...to which he got a bit defensive so i dropped it taking that as hint enough that he wasn't ready to talk and i didn't feel like forcing the issue....
then the next morning...after i got out of the shower...he was very teary eyed and i asked him what was wrong...we got into a discussion...or i should say that he got into a discussion where i was relegated to the listening part....
he stated .... that he loved me ... "I love you...ok...there, i've said it ... i love you.....but I hate myself and the thought of someone loving me when i so detest what i am is horrifying to me.".....
so.... i'm depressed....
and find it completely unfair
it isn't supposed to be like this .... my eyes are swollen from crying and i'm so very tired
when two people love each other so purely....they should be together ... and the fact that we aren't completely breaks my heart
every second
of every day
time with the boy was nice...i had decided to speak to him about what he was up to ... acting more boyfriendy and his once again "moves" at night....because i needed to find out what was going on....i tried to broach the subject in a non-threatening jokingly manner...to which he got a bit defensive so i dropped it taking that as hint enough that he wasn't ready to talk and i didn't feel like forcing the issue....
then the next morning...after i got out of the shower...he was very teary eyed and i asked him what was wrong...we got into a discussion...or i should say that he got into a discussion where i was relegated to the listening part....
he stated .... that he loved me ... "I love you...ok...there, i've said it ... i love you.....but I hate myself and the thought of someone loving me when i so detest what i am is horrifying to me.".....
so.... i'm depressed....
and find it completely unfair
it isn't supposed to be like this .... my eyes are swollen from crying and i'm so very tired
when two people love each other so purely....they should be together ... and the fact that we aren't completely breaks my heart
every second
of every day
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
hardly 6 hours ago mrblisters (the sorry bastard) said:
Don't go read my journal, it's all happy horseshit and won't make you feel any better.
Wow, how quickly this is out of date. Here's the explanation I got more or less: "I totally dig you, but I'm still too screwed up over this break-up, so for now I don't want to spread my unhappiness, sorry."
[Edited on Jul 06, 2005 7:00PM]