emelaeth

So....decided to edit to better describe the situation....

went to visit the boy...haven't seen him since he came to visit me in Las Vegas....

now...a few things about us....i've known him for 4 1/2 years....he is the most lovely man i've ever met...kind, caring, sensitive, charming, intellegent....but he is also a functioning alcholic, a bit depressed, socially anxious, and intimately challenged-meaning that he isn't really interested in sex per se....as an act .... finding the after-affects complicated and smothering

he has told me he loves me but then explains that he doesn't belive that HE is worth being in a relationship with, he has told me that he cares about me more than others, and are realtionship is oddly couplely without being actually there.

now...my perceptions regarding relationships is that i am terrified of being smothered or controlled....i need space just as i believe that the other person needs space....sometimes i want to be alone or be with my friends...and by all means he should also....i have things that i want to do and i hope that he does too...but i also want to be respected and treated as a girlfriend if that is in fact what i would be

i too have similar opinons regarding sex....i see it as an act...but not an intimate one...having little to do with the other person or solidifiying a relationship ... there is nothing wrong with it (obviously it is very enjoyable) ... but i do not belive in sugar-coating it into something that it is not....sex does not mean love ... and i would have no problem having sex with the boy...but in this particular situation...i do not want to be just a girl he fucks....and he really isn't like that (oddly enough)...

i've had one night stands (not that i'm proud of that) and had serious and not-so serious relationships....but with him...I truely love him ... and cannot be involved with him like that if it is not part of a relationship....

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i can't be just a tool...i refuse to romantisize the meaning of sex and don't want to be viewed as such by him

so then...for a boy who's act of putting his arm around you was a HUGE step because of his intimacy issues...how would you deal with this one ....

Question:

Let's say that one is sleeping beside another ... both have been drinking that night ... and a few hours into sleep, the boy whom is sleeping next to you wraps his legs around you and then tries several times to move your hand down to his penis....and then snugly places your hands into the band of his underware on his hip as he snuggles into you....is he really sleeping? Or is he making a move? And if he is making a move...why didn't he say something?

These were the thoughts that were floating around my head at 5:00 am on Friday morning...as I was trying to figure out if the boy was sleeping and drunk and didn't know what he was doing ... or if he was making a very bold move....utlimately...terrified of the thought that he was asleep and would wake up wondering what the fuck was going on...i did nothing...until the both of us fell back to sleep....


What a mess....and i've found myself in a situation i do not want to be in....a couple of friends i've spoken to have told me that it has reached the point that i have to speak to him about "us"....and I HATE that...I don't want to do that ... i'm always the one telling them...don't do that because you'll just fuck everything up....

but things are getting too weird now not to bring up something....and i don't know how or even if to do it....

I become vomitous at the thought of saying ... "we need to talk" or "I would really like to be in relationship"....ugh....in short...i have NO CLUE what to do or how to do it...

how does one bring up the issue of being in an official relationship with another without it coming across as pressured or uncomfortable...but i need to know what THE FUCK... he is doing

ugh....what a mess...

any and all advice would be much appreciated .... thanks loves