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emelaeth

Member Since 2005

Followers 53 Following 51

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Wednesday Apr 13, 2005

Apr 13, 2005
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I've come to the conclusion that I am perpetually one of those people who keeps thinking that "the grass is greaner on the otherside." .... I realized that after a wonderful day at work with lots of lovely stories about my kiddies and I was talking with my mom...she kept telling me how lucky I was that I had such good kids and a job that I really loved.

So then I kept thinking to myself, as I went to the post-office to drop off 5 applications for art jobs back home and one in NY (just to hope against hope)...and wonder if what I was doing was the right thing. I mean...the reasons for going home would be to save money and be close to my family since my father is sick...and for going to ny ... well..my sister is there ... and its fucking new york! But...am I doing the right thing? I mean...I don't have to take another job if I get offered one but what if I do and I made a horrible mistake or what if I don't get one and I'm more miserable next year?

I just hate feeling this way...and I have no idea if its a good thing or not. I don't want to be stagnant and I do have a bit of a fear of being in the same place for too long...but at the same time...I long for consistency and leaving all of this turmoil behind. I just wish that I knew what was right and where I am supposed to belong. Currently, I feel like a girl without a home... Minnesota isn't home, Las Vegas isn't home, New York isn't home....ugh

I think I might just be having a pre-mid-life crisis spurred on by financial instability and previously running away from my problems....I'm just so scared that I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll be 50 wondering where my life went and why I never did all of the things I dreamed of. So I keep thinking that everything else will be better than what I have right now...when I really should be trying to make right now better.

ok...i realize I'm just being nerotic and rambling on...thanks for listening if you made it this far kiss

night all...i'm sure that everything will feel better tomorrow and I'll feel foolish for my mind's wandering reactions....

VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
twztdchik:
City lights is a bistro/bar/restaurant a bit off the strip on Flamingo & decatur...small but cozy, but they have some nice sets on indus. nite

Krave was opened by the people who own the hottest gay club in L.A...it's not posed as a gay club though (in case that's a huge turn-off for you). Fashionista's is a late night bondage geared leather show they do, it's located just off the desert passage at the Alladin, so it's RIGHT ON the strip...less of a local hometown feel to it
Apr 14, 2005
whitewidow:
You are so cool! I use to be a dance teacher for kids ages 2-18 and I couldn't handle them in bunches of 10 or more. I commend you on 200!!!! eeek

Kisses kiss kiss
Apr 14, 2005

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