Bleh. I guess I really should update this. Since it has been a long time and I know how I get with my emotions. This is probably the only way my friends know how I feel since I suck and Im not good at letting my emotions out. I guess I didnt realize its been so long since I last updated...almost 2 months. Meh. I really need to get more motivation.
Well I ended up not going to see Bauhaus...and not selling my ticket which sucks. I dont know if I will ever have the chance to see them again...well NIN is coming back to Michigan. Nate said he would buy us all tickets since he got his loan money but I dont know if he really is or not. Over the past few months I have pretty much sucked since Ive had no money. People have had to pay for me to go places and for me to eat sometimes...and I felt really bad. I really just didnt want to do anything anymore because someone else would have had to pay for me.
Over the past few months romances have come and gone. Tom has found someone, and he is the happiest I have ever seen him. Tom and Kristin, you two are good for each other. If you two ever have problems Im going to smack you both. Cramer is still with Sondra and they are both as happy as ever...whatever I had with Katie is over...I came back from thanksgiving break lonely and wanted to cuddle and she said she couldnt because that day would have been her 3 year anniversary with her ex if they hadnt broken up...and she said she couldnt do it. So about a week later Nikki noticed my depressing away messages, and we started cuddling again. Ive been sleeping every night with her tiger she gave me and she has jumbo the monkey.
Nate has been...well Nate. He got his loan finally for about 8500 dollars and has been spending like crazy... he bought a new play station 2, a 400 dollar cell phone, and spent 250 on cds in one day. He also bought a record player and a stereo system to play it. Oh well I guess, it's his money.
Classes are over, and I guess I did alright...I passed everything but I think I slacked too much and I could have done much better. For video 1 I made a music video to MSI- Bed of Roses. Then I did a mini-doc on Cramer. I did pretty well on both of those; I got a 96 on the Music montage and a 92 on the mini doc. I think I pulled out with a B+ in the class.
Thanksgiving break pretty much sucked. The only good thing about it was I didnt have classes. I think the only time I left my house was to go get food to bring back to school. I was going to try and hang out with Cheryl but I found out she got a boyfriend...she told me over Christmas break she wanted to hang out, but that hasnt happened yet...I dont know I think it would be weird...
Now its Christmas break and I am home again. Like thanksgiving break I havent really done much of anything. I went back to Meijer the day after I got back and started working the day after that. Today has been my second day off since then. I still havent gone Christmas shopping and I need to. I just hope I have enough money to get everyone in my family something. Then next week after I get paid I need to go buy stuff for people at school. I really dont know what to get some people though. Tom got me 2 movies that he didnt have to get me, Nate got me a 10 inch dildo (dirty I know but its fun to play with) and Jessie got me a little goodie bag.
I really wanted to go see Nathan over break but I wont be able to
. This makes me really sad since I hardly get to see him anymore since its so far away. I just couldnt afford to go there for a week. Instead I told him my spring break will be him. I will work all I can over break and save money and go straight there from school for spring break. I really wish I could have him around more. I miss the guy.
Well anyways, I guess on to how I am doing... For some reason right now, I am really depressed. I really dont know why... well I guess I kind of do. I have been really lonely the past few days. There is no one here to hold me, and really hate that. I guess Im also not very happy with how my life has been going in some ways. I really wish I would have put more attention to my grades. I really dont know if I happy with who I am. Is this really who I am? Am I who I should be? I really dont know... I dont know if I am happy with my relationships either. I really think I have been a horrible friend. Everyone probably hates me for it. I really wish I could be a better person. I wish I could be more like tom...he gives so much and doesnt ask for anything in return but friendship. Blah I suck. As far as Nikki goes... I dont know...I like her. I like spending time with her and I like knowing she cares about me. I like cuddling with her when I feel lonely, or when I dont. but I dont think she is for me. I dont know I just feel it. I just wish I could meet the right girl. Someone who is just like me. someone I dont feel weird around, someone I can let myself out of my shell around, someone who I can simply sit around and do nothing with and be perfectly happy. why cant I find that person. everyone else seems to be. Tom has found Kristin, Cramer has Sondra... Meh. Why does going on have to be hard...giving up is so much easier.
Thank you to all my friends who are here for me and listen to me when I for once need to talk. Thanks for not giving up on me when I wanted to give up on myself. I'm sorry if I have been a shitty friend and a shitty person in the past few months, or my whole life. I guess all I can really do is stop thinking and hope for a better future.
Well I ended up not going to see Bauhaus...and not selling my ticket which sucks. I dont know if I will ever have the chance to see them again...well NIN is coming back to Michigan. Nate said he would buy us all tickets since he got his loan money but I dont know if he really is or not. Over the past few months I have pretty much sucked since Ive had no money. People have had to pay for me to go places and for me to eat sometimes...and I felt really bad. I really just didnt want to do anything anymore because someone else would have had to pay for me.
Over the past few months romances have come and gone. Tom has found someone, and he is the happiest I have ever seen him. Tom and Kristin, you two are good for each other. If you two ever have problems Im going to smack you both. Cramer is still with Sondra and they are both as happy as ever...whatever I had with Katie is over...I came back from thanksgiving break lonely and wanted to cuddle and she said she couldnt because that day would have been her 3 year anniversary with her ex if they hadnt broken up...and she said she couldnt do it. So about a week later Nikki noticed my depressing away messages, and we started cuddling again. Ive been sleeping every night with her tiger she gave me and she has jumbo the monkey.
Nate has been...well Nate. He got his loan finally for about 8500 dollars and has been spending like crazy... he bought a new play station 2, a 400 dollar cell phone, and spent 250 on cds in one day. He also bought a record player and a stereo system to play it. Oh well I guess, it's his money.
Classes are over, and I guess I did alright...I passed everything but I think I slacked too much and I could have done much better. For video 1 I made a music video to MSI- Bed of Roses. Then I did a mini-doc on Cramer. I did pretty well on both of those; I got a 96 on the Music montage and a 92 on the mini doc. I think I pulled out with a B+ in the class.
Thanksgiving break pretty much sucked. The only good thing about it was I didnt have classes. I think the only time I left my house was to go get food to bring back to school. I was going to try and hang out with Cheryl but I found out she got a boyfriend...she told me over Christmas break she wanted to hang out, but that hasnt happened yet...I dont know I think it would be weird...
Now its Christmas break and I am home again. Like thanksgiving break I havent really done much of anything. I went back to Meijer the day after I got back and started working the day after that. Today has been my second day off since then. I still havent gone Christmas shopping and I need to. I just hope I have enough money to get everyone in my family something. Then next week after I get paid I need to go buy stuff for people at school. I really dont know what to get some people though. Tom got me 2 movies that he didnt have to get me, Nate got me a 10 inch dildo (dirty I know but its fun to play with) and Jessie got me a little goodie bag.
I really wanted to go see Nathan over break but I wont be able to
. This makes me really sad since I hardly get to see him anymore since its so far away. I just couldnt afford to go there for a week. Instead I told him my spring break will be him. I will work all I can over break and save money and go straight there from school for spring break. I really wish I could have him around more. I miss the guy.
Well anyways, I guess on to how I am doing... For some reason right now, I am really depressed. I really dont know why... well I guess I kind of do. I have been really lonely the past few days. There is no one here to hold me, and really hate that. I guess Im also not very happy with how my life has been going in some ways. I really wish I would have put more attention to my grades. I really dont know if I happy with who I am. Is this really who I am? Am I who I should be? I really dont know... I dont know if I am happy with my relationships either. I really think I have been a horrible friend. Everyone probably hates me for it. I really wish I could be a better person. I wish I could be more like tom...he gives so much and doesnt ask for anything in return but friendship. Blah I suck. As far as Nikki goes... I dont know...I like her. I like spending time with her and I like knowing she cares about me. I like cuddling with her when I feel lonely, or when I dont. but I dont think she is for me. I dont know I just feel it. I just wish I could meet the right girl. Someone who is just like me. someone I dont feel weird around, someone I can let myself out of my shell around, someone who I can simply sit around and do nothing with and be perfectly happy. why cant I find that person. everyone else seems to be
. Tom has found Kristin, Cramer has Sondra... Meh. Why does going on have to be hard...giving up is so much easier.
Thank you to all my friends who are here for me and listen to me when I for once need to talk. Thanks for not giving up on me when I wanted to give up on myself. I'm sorry if I have been a shitty friend and a shitty person in the past few months, or my whole life. I guess all I can really do is stop thinking and hope for a better future.