Ugh.
I was doing okay for awhile but for some reason today it's slapping me across the face pretty hard. Hey, Ember, YOUR BOYFRIEND LEFT YOU!!! Yeah, I get it. I KNOW that. And I am still drowning in a pool of uncertainty. Does he even give a shit about me anymore? Will everything be okay? I have no fucking idea. I've gotten no straight answers, and in two days it will have been half a month since I've even seen him him in person.
HALF A GOD DAMN MONTH. And the day he left for Jersey that half a month ago, one of the last things I remember thinking was, "I will see him tomorrow."
Until I totally fucked everything up and managed to make him hate my guts by partaking in something I barely fucking remember.
I've been trying to maintain a positive outlook. I've been reading self-help books, I e-mailed one of the school counselors to set up an appointment. I've been turning to my friends for support. Despite the gaping hole in my heart I've been going to school and getting all my homework done on time. But it's so god damn hard. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
I miss him so god damn much that I can't even think straight. I haven't hugged him, held him or kissed him in 13 days. I've barely even fucking talked to him in that time. Everyone keeps saying, "Oh, he just needs time." I don't know how much time he needs, but I don't know how much longer I can take this.
I went from living with him for over a year and a half to complete emptiness. To having no one. And all of his stuff is still in my room taunting me, saying, "Haha, it's almost like I'm still living here, isn't it? It's almost like any minute I'll come home from work and walk through the door and greet you with a kiss, isn't it? BUT I'M NOT! All my crap is just a sad reminder of what you lost and potentially may never get back. HA. HA. HA."
Steve, what do you want from me? How do you expect anything to ever get resolved if you barely even talk to me? If you want it to not hurt anymore you have to take the first step and face your fears. Burying the hurt down inside you will only work for so long before it resurfaces. You NEED to talk about this sometime, why can't you see that? How can you build such a huge wall around your heart that not even I, the person that loves you more than anything, can climb over it?
Uncertainties, uncertainties.
I was doing okay for awhile but for some reason today it's slapping me across the face pretty hard. Hey, Ember, YOUR BOYFRIEND LEFT YOU!!! Yeah, I get it. I KNOW that. And I am still drowning in a pool of uncertainty. Does he even give a shit about me anymore? Will everything be okay? I have no fucking idea. I've gotten no straight answers, and in two days it will have been half a month since I've even seen him him in person.
HALF A GOD DAMN MONTH. And the day he left for Jersey that half a month ago, one of the last things I remember thinking was, "I will see him tomorrow."
Until I totally fucked everything up and managed to make him hate my guts by partaking in something I barely fucking remember.
I've been trying to maintain a positive outlook. I've been reading self-help books, I e-mailed one of the school counselors to set up an appointment. I've been turning to my friends for support. Despite the gaping hole in my heart I've been going to school and getting all my homework done on time. But it's so god damn hard. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
I miss him so god damn much that I can't even think straight. I haven't hugged him, held him or kissed him in 13 days. I've barely even fucking talked to him in that time. Everyone keeps saying, "Oh, he just needs time." I don't know how much time he needs, but I don't know how much longer I can take this.
I went from living with him for over a year and a half to complete emptiness. To having no one. And all of his stuff is still in my room taunting me, saying, "Haha, it's almost like I'm still living here, isn't it? It's almost like any minute I'll come home from work and walk through the door and greet you with a kiss, isn't it? BUT I'M NOT! All my crap is just a sad reminder of what you lost and potentially may never get back. HA. HA. HA."
Steve, what do you want from me? How do you expect anything to ever get resolved if you barely even talk to me? If you want it to not hurt anymore you have to take the first step and face your fears. Burying the hurt down inside you will only work for so long before it resurfaces. You NEED to talk about this sometime, why can't you see that? How can you build such a huge wall around your heart that not even I, the person that loves you more than anything, can climb over it?
Uncertainties, uncertainties.
VIEW 25 of 32 COMMENTS
holycowboy:
I've been working on a website that makes video messages for people to send to each other in tough times (it's a film school project, this isn't spam I swear). Anyway, we just posted our epic "I still love you and I want to get back together" video. It's at howdoisaythis.com and maybe you can send it to Steve as an icebreaker. If not, hang in there. 
carbunclebowser:
He is clearly out of his mind. You are amazing.