I'm down in the dumps once again...ahh, the female hormonal system in all its glory, spreading happiness and joy...and misery and rage...and confusion....
Being alone in this apartment really drives me insane. My roommates and Steve leave every weekend to work, and I get the place to myself for a few days. I know, sounds great, right? Free reign of the place, I can do whatever I want, I could invite anybody I want over and be loud and obnoxious and cause a ruckus (sp?) (within reason, as long as we don't get any noise complaints from the neighbors). But sadly, I don't really have anybody to invite over. I know, I'm a Suicide Girl and I have no friends, kinda sucks. Everybody I meet at this school ends up fucking leaving. It's really starting to piss me off. I don't want to start any new relationships with anyone because I've noticed the pattern developing.
Haha, Loser by Beck just started playing on itunes. How fitting.
It sucks too because Steve has tons of friends and he gets to go home every weekend and can hang out with them. Is it selfish for me to be envious?
I think it's affecting my perception of my relationship with Steve in a really negative way. I think my lack of friends is making me expect too much...not a good thing, and definitely not healthy.
A big part of me thinks I jumped into things with Steve way too quickly, and wants me to be alone for awhile and do some soul searching. In that time I'd probably try my darndest to make my own circle of friends outside of Steve's clan. But I'm kind of stuck at this apartment now since I officially moved out of the dorms...I have no where else to go while this lengthy introspection takes place.
I don't know. I'm really unhappy with where I am in life right now. I've been sleeping for 11 hours a day, trying to fend off reality as long as I can. I have no ambition to do anything meaningful. My creative drive is at a stand still. My ability to cheer myself up with stupid humor is waning. I've been wearing pajamas for three days straight. I haven't left the apartment once.
And I'm really angry that I didn't stay home for New Years. I got invited to go to the Cato (my hometown) Hotel tonight to drink with some people I knew in high school, but I had to decline since I'm stuck in Philly now. The more I think about it, the more I realize I could have done so much more if I'd stayed home. I even had to call off a meeting with an old friend I haven't seen in a long time because I had to get up early to catch my bus to Philly the next day.
So much bitterness and pent up aggression. This is not good...I need to find a healthy outlet. I guess cutting myself is out of the question. It's weird, when I went to the Las Vegas SG show, a handful of the girls I went with all had scars from cutting themselves. I won't mention names, but I thought it was interesting how we were all sort of bonded in the sense of needing self-inflicted pain to sift through our issues.
I probably shouldn't be saying this. God, it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm not tired at all. What to do, what to do...
Being alone in this apartment really drives me insane. My roommates and Steve leave every weekend to work, and I get the place to myself for a few days. I know, sounds great, right? Free reign of the place, I can do whatever I want, I could invite anybody I want over and be loud and obnoxious and cause a ruckus (sp?) (within reason, as long as we don't get any noise complaints from the neighbors). But sadly, I don't really have anybody to invite over. I know, I'm a Suicide Girl and I have no friends, kinda sucks. Everybody I meet at this school ends up fucking leaving. It's really starting to piss me off. I don't want to start any new relationships with anyone because I've noticed the pattern developing.
Haha, Loser by Beck just started playing on itunes. How fitting.
It sucks too because Steve has tons of friends and he gets to go home every weekend and can hang out with them. Is it selfish for me to be envious?
I think it's affecting my perception of my relationship with Steve in a really negative way. I think my lack of friends is making me expect too much...not a good thing, and definitely not healthy.
A big part of me thinks I jumped into things with Steve way too quickly, and wants me to be alone for awhile and do some soul searching. In that time I'd probably try my darndest to make my own circle of friends outside of Steve's clan. But I'm kind of stuck at this apartment now since I officially moved out of the dorms...I have no where else to go while this lengthy introspection takes place.
I don't know. I'm really unhappy with where I am in life right now. I've been sleeping for 11 hours a day, trying to fend off reality as long as I can. I have no ambition to do anything meaningful. My creative drive is at a stand still. My ability to cheer myself up with stupid humor is waning. I've been wearing pajamas for three days straight. I haven't left the apartment once.
And I'm really angry that I didn't stay home for New Years. I got invited to go to the Cato (my hometown) Hotel tonight to drink with some people I knew in high school, but I had to decline since I'm stuck in Philly now. The more I think about it, the more I realize I could have done so much more if I'd stayed home. I even had to call off a meeting with an old friend I haven't seen in a long time because I had to get up early to catch my bus to Philly the next day.
So much bitterness and pent up aggression. This is not good...I need to find a healthy outlet. I guess cutting myself is out of the question. It's weird, when I went to the Las Vegas SG show, a handful of the girls I went with all had scars from cutting themselves. I won't mention names, but I thought it was interesting how we were all sort of bonded in the sense of needing self-inflicted pain to sift through our issues.
I probably shouldn't be saying this. God, it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm not tired at all. What to do, what to do...
VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
profile picture change a "sneak peek" at the new set? huh? huh? is it? is it?
The new profile pic is beautiful.