maybe I was wrong,
you were moving on,
and I sit and wonder,
falling under,
get my way or nothing will move on"
- Lost Prophets
It's been a fucker of a week. I've barely slept, and when I found myself comtemplating the 80% vol bottle of black Absinthe at 4am this morning I knew that it had to go down the sink before I turned to self medication.
Thirteen days left until my deadline........
It's my fathers birthday next week. As part of his present last year I took a photo of myself and Mini E and had it framed. I'm not a huge one for self photography, but comparing those photo's with the way I look today made me laugh.
Have you ever wondered what a difference twelve months, five hair colours and about 25lb makes?
I'm going to try and upgrade my status from 'lurking' to 'absent' over the next week or two whilst I get my arse in gear and complete my big bastard of an exam. Then comes the bank holiday weekend, and I've already written most of the weekend off as a drunken/hungover disaster zone (but in a good way), and then I'm off on my holiday/house-hunting expedition this time next month. This is all significant, because between now and then I have a decision to make.
There is somebody in my life that I care about a lot. I'm not going to go into the details because if I need to say this to anyone then it really should be to him. The basic facts are that I care for him, and as much as it would be far easier not to, and despite the many reasons why I shouldn't, I really can't seem to help myself. This would all be very nice were it not for the part where I mention that I'm almost certain that I'm in possession of a one way ticket to unrequitedsville, stopping at deluded street and stupidity central.
The problem with being friends with this person is that it's far too easy to try and read too much into things that just aren't there. The more that I've thought about this recently the more it has occured to me that this has probably been an issue since the day that we met, and the time has come for me to sort it out. I'm pretty sure that the outcome is going to be the same no matter which way I go about the whole thing, so I need to decide which is the better route to get to the end.
So.... I have to decide whether to tell this person exactly how I feel and go for the hatrick of rejection, or spare us both the embarassment of that whole scenario and finally stamp the words "not going to happen" into my brain, throw away the 'friendship' and put some much needed distance between us.
Ball sack.
Oh, and I missed Peep Show again.
Double ball sack.
