Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

elysia

Member Since 2005

Followers 40 Following 133

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Jun 04, 2006

Jun 4, 2006
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
"I used to be a homosexual but I had to give it up"

Ok, so I'm just a bit confused. I currently have no working phone line to my house and both my modems have been packed away in a box since February. I do, however, appear to be picking up someone elses wireless box. Wooooo hoooo. Not only am I back but it's free!

Things didn't exactly go as planned this weekend. One thing I did learn though is that it's apparentely very rare for a pregnant woman to electrocute herself. On the plus side, I've now seen the antenatal ward at the Queens Medical Centre and am pleased with the facilities. The beds are rather comfy.


Top five things you should never say to a pregnant lady

(1) Aww you look tired
The correct fucking word you were looking for is radiant. Its not my fault that my usual bedtime is now before the watershed and so any attempt at a social life takes a major effort. Not that Im not delighted to be stood here while you drunkenly prod at my tummy and make stupid comments.

(2) So its twins then?
No as a matter of fact it isnt. So that thing on your face. Yes, some may call it a nose. Youve never thought of having it reshaped? No? Well that suprises me. Its not often that you see them that shape. Other than in cartoons of course.

(3) You look really big, must be a massive baby
Thanks. What I really want to think about is the idea that something weighing over 8lbs is going to emerge through my vagina at some point in a few months time.

(4) You look small for 6 months, I thought you were just fat
No Im actually pregnant, whereas you are in fact just an obese moronic cunt.

(5) Are you lactating?
Not the worst question to be asked, and not unsurprisingly the first question asked by the guys down the pub. It is however crossing a line when you start asking if I can provide the milk for the evenings White Russians ..


I have a week off work which will inevitably turn into a week of packing boxes, looking at new places to live, and eating. Wednesday night is Dylan Moran which Im sure will be fucking excellent. Heres hoping that the seats are near the end of the row. If I manage to make it to the interval without disturbing everyone to get up and have a piss Ill be amazed.


Its a squirrel mangler

VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
saffa:
you should definatly go get some nerds
you know you want to wink wink tongue tongue
Jun 6, 2006
mat8drb:
Yeah, I'm sure that single pregnant women have all the time in the world in which to take things easy.

People should offer to help instead.
Jun 6, 2006

More Blogs

  • 07.04.06
    36

    Tuesday Jul 04, 2006

    "And then you just push your baby round the U-bend" Birthing classes…
  • 06.30.06
    14

    Friday Jun 30, 2006

    "The truth is that you're a posh spaz" Banzai ... Place bets now. …
  • 06.18.06
    24

    Sunday Jun 18, 2006

    "Insert your own fucking funny quote here" I simply don't have the…
  • 06.09.06
    25

    Friday Jun 09, 2006

    Oooooh Level three should we call Jack Bauer? Dylan Moran was (of c…
  • 06.06.06
    21

    Tuesday Jun 06, 2006

    Did you hear about Deborah? She was out all day drinking heroin out …
  • 06.04.06
    26

    Sunday Jun 04, 2006

    "I used to be a homosexual but I had to give it up" Ok, so I'm jus…
  • 05.26.06
    27

    Friday May 26, 2006

    "It's like posting a big parcel ... you just squidge it then shove it…
  • 05.09.06
    17

    Tuesday May 09, 2006

    "Who brings spankables out to the desert?" I will attempt this w…
  • 05.02.06
    25

    Tuesday May 02, 2006

    "You will be offered the opportunity to look at your placenta if you …
  • 04.25.06
    30

    Tuesday Apr 25, 2006

    "You're pinching my arm skin" If you haven't watched Dead Mans Sho…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
9
months
6
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,120,333 followers
  • 14,919,693 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,389,486 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo