"I used to be a homosexual but I had to give it up"
Ok, so I'm just a bit confused. I currently have no working phone line to my house and both my modems have been packed away in a box since February. I do, however, appear to be picking up someone elses wireless box. Wooooo hoooo. Not only am I back but it's free!
Things didn't exactly go as planned this weekend. One thing I did learn though is that it's apparentely very rare for a pregnant woman to electrocute herself. On the plus side, I've now seen the antenatal ward at the Queens Medical Centre and am pleased with the facilities. The beds are rather comfy.
Top five things you should never say to a pregnant lady
(1) Aww you look tired
The correct fucking word you were looking for is radiant. Its not my fault that my usual bedtime is now before the watershed and so any attempt at a social life takes a major effort. Not that Im not delighted to be stood here while you drunkenly prod at my tummy and make stupid comments.
(2) So its twins then?
No as a matter of fact it isnt. So that thing on your face. Yes, some may call it a nose. Youve never thought of having it reshaped? No? Well that suprises me. Its not often that you see them that shape. Other than in cartoons of course.
(3) You look really big, must be a massive baby
Thanks. What I really want to think about is the idea that something weighing over 8lbs is going to emerge through my vagina at some point in a few months time.
(4) You look small for 6 months, I thought you were just fat
No Im actually pregnant, whereas you are in fact just an obese moronic cunt.
(5) Are you lactating?
Not the worst question to be asked, and not unsurprisingly the first question asked by the guys down the pub. It is however crossing a line when you start asking if I can provide the milk for the evenings White Russians ..
I have a week off work which will inevitably turn into a week of packing boxes, looking at new places to live, and eating. Wednesday night is Dylan Moran which Im sure will be fucking excellent. Heres hoping that the seats are near the end of the row. If I manage to make it to the interval without disturbing everyone to get up and have a piss Ill be amazed.
Its a squirrel mangler
Ok, so I'm just a bit confused. I currently have no working phone line to my house and both my modems have been packed away in a box since February. I do, however, appear to be picking up someone elses wireless box. Wooooo hoooo. Not only am I back but it's free!
Things didn't exactly go as planned this weekend. One thing I did learn though is that it's apparentely very rare for a pregnant woman to electrocute herself. On the plus side, I've now seen the antenatal ward at the Queens Medical Centre and am pleased with the facilities. The beds are rather comfy.
Top five things you should never say to a pregnant lady
(1) Aww you look tired
The correct fucking word you were looking for is radiant. Its not my fault that my usual bedtime is now before the watershed and so any attempt at a social life takes a major effort. Not that Im not delighted to be stood here while you drunkenly prod at my tummy and make stupid comments.
(2) So its twins then?
No as a matter of fact it isnt. So that thing on your face. Yes, some may call it a nose. Youve never thought of having it reshaped? No? Well that suprises me. Its not often that you see them that shape. Other than in cartoons of course.
(3) You look really big, must be a massive baby
Thanks. What I really want to think about is the idea that something weighing over 8lbs is going to emerge through my vagina at some point in a few months time.
(4) You look small for 6 months, I thought you were just fat
No Im actually pregnant, whereas you are in fact just an obese moronic cunt.
(5) Are you lactating?
Not the worst question to be asked, and not unsurprisingly the first question asked by the guys down the pub. It is however crossing a line when you start asking if I can provide the milk for the evenings White Russians ..
I have a week off work which will inevitably turn into a week of packing boxes, looking at new places to live, and eating. Wednesday night is Dylan Moran which Im sure will be fucking excellent. Heres hoping that the seats are near the end of the row. If I manage to make it to the interval without disturbing everyone to get up and have a piss Ill be amazed.
Its a squirrel mangler
VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
you know you want to
People should offer to help instead.