This is by far the best thing I've read in any pregnancy book to date. I'm wondering if I can take it into Thorntons, get it iced (as you do with Easter Eggs) with the words "cock fucking ass abuser" then post it to the Impregnator. Maybe I could be a little more subtle and have it iced with "It's a boy" or the such like. As a token of my appreciation of him as a person of course.
Top 5 awesome things about the bank holiday;
(1) Season 4 of 24
Oh yes, my life is now complete. Well almost, I'll let you know when I'm done. Watching 24 for me is an action packed adventure. There must be several rounds of applause at key moments
, re-enactments of cool fighting manouveres
, and me shouting out "Dammit" every time Jack Bauer does. Oh yes, how could anyone possibly ask for anything more from a weekend?
(2) Baby gymnastics
The little one decided to put in yet another early appearance and scare the hell out of me by starting moving about on Friday. Pretty awesome. Up til now every time I've read about foetal movements it's conjured up images in my head from the Aliens films. Luckily it''s not that bad. Just a little weird.
(3) Hearing from people you haven't seen for ages
It's very true to say that my social life has died a sudden death. I've gone from being the life and soul of the party to being a tee totaller and it's been a very drastic change. Suck ass taxi dermist nipple cracker. Yay for the lovely people I know that see past my usual drunken set myself on fire exterior and don't mind taking the fatty out for a coffee.
(4) Boys. You do make me laugh
Best chat up of the weekend goes to the guy in the car who drove past, rolled down the window, shouted "Big tits" then drove off. Subtle? Not really. Mildly amusing, very childish and rather cowardly. I wouldn't touch yours if my hands were made from play-doh covered in donkey foreskin. No thanks. Skip forward to the cute guy in Tesco who made eye contact a few times, gave me a cheeky grin then ran away. Subtle? Yes. Good approach on a chance meeting whereby we may never meet again? No, not really. Silly boys.
(5) Having an extra day off work
Simple as. I hate my job, and am sure that a small part of my soul dies every time I step foot through the front door. Hence, a day off is all good. Energy providing fuckwit tranny beating spunk flickers.
In other news, it finally seems that I'm back to my normal self. This will no doubt mean a lot more to those people on my friends list who've been unfortunate to have late night conversations with me, but all in all it's a very good thing.
Still have no tickets to Download ... not sure whether to bother this year thanks to my fuckwit gig buddy being a retarded cake baker and bailing on me. What to do, what to do?
"Cock Piss Partridge"
We already know you've got the embarassing capabilities down. You'll make a great mum.
Really, you will.