"Now over to a quadriplegic Swiss man on a pony ..."
Only four more days til the holiday. Woop. Oh yeah that's a fucking word. Remember rule #1 kids ... the information may technically be incorrect but Elysia is always right.
The only thing more exciting than waiting for the holiday is the great return of one of my heros;
All hail Gunther von Hagens ... crazy hat weilding foreigner.
Top five things about Gunther von Hagens;
(1) He's so very very familiar
I'm sure you've all been thinking it too. I have luckily ruled out any similarities with any of my family members and have placed exactly who he reminds me of. He is the Polish equivalent of Dr Logan from Day of the Dead. You know I'm fucking right. The crazy experiments ... the cloth over the cadavers face (was probably an old colleague) ... hell, he was making jokes about dissecting his assistant. Legend in his own right just for that.
(2) His life models are hilarious
I find his work genuinely fascinating and was trying my hardest to concentrate but every time they went to the life model I was drawn to one point. The genitals. Not because I'm a pervert (although that may factor into it somewhere) but because of his styling of pubic hair. Please tell me that someone else was sat at home thinking "Why does his schlong look like it's wearing a top hat? Ha ha ha" Maybe I need to grow up. Or not. Fuck you .. where's my lolly?
(3) He created the BEST exhibition ever
I'm still gutted that I missed it when it was in London a few years back, but his Bodyworlds exhibition features real life specimens. They're dead obviously. But how fucking cool is that? It's like the ultimate cross between scientific teachings and Frankenstein/Leatherface.
(4) His outfit ... in particular his hat
He looks like a mad scientist. Which he is. The hat though is his defining feature, and is offensive to many religions. Excellent. Why does he wear it? I'd safely bet that at some point in his career he's chopped off the top of his own head to see what happened, hence the hat. Although why he'd hide that and show everything else would make no sense. Maybe he's just got a really fucking weird shaped head. Maybe it's shaped like an anvil or something bizarre. Gunther von Freakhead the children used to call him. Although that isn't actually the name he had as a child and the children probably spoke German. Oh fuck it ... next point.
(5) He invented PLASTINATION
The process by which the bodys decomposition can be halted. This makes it possible to show dead bodies as specimens in shows and exhibitions etc. It also means that all it takes is some scientific knowledge and a bit of plastic to be able to recreate 'A Weekend at Bernies'. The best news I've heard in a long time. It must be the best practical joke ever. Must learn science quick ...
By far the most 'annoying fucking shop display' award has to go to Marks and Spencers who have lovingly dedicated part of their food hall to the wonder that is Valentines Day. The only holiday more annoyingly pointless than Christmas. Oh and Easter. And what the fuck is up with Shrove Tuesday? As if you need an excuse to eat pancakes.
Anyways the point is that Valentines day can kiss my fat hairy giraffe titty squeezing cock flicking anus hat.
" Shut your fucking face uncle fucker, you're a bonafide bastard uncle fucker ... you're an uncle fucker I must say, I fucked your uncle yesterday"
Only four more days til the holiday. Woop. Oh yeah that's a fucking word. Remember rule #1 kids ... the information may technically be incorrect but Elysia is always right.
The only thing more exciting than waiting for the holiday is the great return of one of my heros;
All hail Gunther von Hagens ... crazy hat weilding foreigner.
Top five things about Gunther von Hagens;
(1) He's so very very familiar
I'm sure you've all been thinking it too. I have luckily ruled out any similarities with any of my family members and have placed exactly who he reminds me of. He is the Polish equivalent of Dr Logan from Day of the Dead. You know I'm fucking right. The crazy experiments ... the cloth over the cadavers face (was probably an old colleague) ... hell, he was making jokes about dissecting his assistant. Legend in his own right just for that.
(2) His life models are hilarious
I find his work genuinely fascinating and was trying my hardest to concentrate but every time they went to the life model I was drawn to one point. The genitals. Not because I'm a pervert (although that may factor into it somewhere) but because of his styling of pubic hair. Please tell me that someone else was sat at home thinking "Why does his schlong look like it's wearing a top hat? Ha ha ha" Maybe I need to grow up. Or not. Fuck you .. where's my lolly?
(3) He created the BEST exhibition ever
I'm still gutted that I missed it when it was in London a few years back, but his Bodyworlds exhibition features real life specimens. They're dead obviously. But how fucking cool is that? It's like the ultimate cross between scientific teachings and Frankenstein/Leatherface.
(4) His outfit ... in particular his hat
He looks like a mad scientist. Which he is. The hat though is his defining feature, and is offensive to many religions. Excellent. Why does he wear it? I'd safely bet that at some point in his career he's chopped off the top of his own head to see what happened, hence the hat. Although why he'd hide that and show everything else would make no sense. Maybe he's just got a really fucking weird shaped head. Maybe it's shaped like an anvil or something bizarre. Gunther von Freakhead the children used to call him. Although that isn't actually the name he had as a child and the children probably spoke German. Oh fuck it ... next point.
(5) He invented PLASTINATION
The process by which the bodys decomposition can be halted. This makes it possible to show dead bodies as specimens in shows and exhibitions etc. It also means that all it takes is some scientific knowledge and a bit of plastic to be able to recreate 'A Weekend at Bernies'. The best news I've heard in a long time. It must be the best practical joke ever. Must learn science quick ...
By far the most 'annoying fucking shop display' award has to go to Marks and Spencers who have lovingly dedicated part of their food hall to the wonder that is Valentines Day. The only holiday more annoyingly pointless than Christmas. Oh and Easter. And what the fuck is up with Shrove Tuesday? As if you need an excuse to eat pancakes.
Anyways the point is that Valentines day can kiss my fat hairy giraffe titty squeezing cock flicking anus hat.
" Shut your fucking face uncle fucker, you're a bonafide bastard uncle fucker ... you're an uncle fucker I must say, I fucked your uncle yesterday"
VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
Truer words were never spoken. I plan to spend valentines day giving myself one cut for each lie i was stupid enough to believe and cleansing the poison from my system by rolling around in salt
I called in out of desperation on monday only for some shriveled old bat to wordlessly hand me her shopping basket to put away for her!!!!
As for Valentines day........