I have recently begun the long and arduous journey of finding myself, including a truly remarkable awareness that the lies I believed about my self worth (or lack thereof) were just that - lies. It is truly incredible and life changing, but I find myself experiencing cognitive dissonance when it comes to the next step.
I know that I am far more attractive than I ever believed, which is a really neat surprise to learn in my 30s. I know that I am a poet, that my passion for the power of words will never wane as long as I am breathing. I know that I will live with depression and anxiety, and that I have the courage and strength to overcome every challenge those throw at me. I know that I am strong, and powerful, that I am made of light stitched together with magic.
But I can't pay my bills. I can't find a job to save my soul. I turned to cam sites when I realized that I could actually maybe make some money with my body. Three months later, and I am emotionally drained and in worse financial shape than I was before I started. How is it that I am good at so many things and I still find myself unable to make a living? I'm fucking tired.
