It's 5:30 in the morning. I haven't slept, and I just started Hobo With a Shotgun for the first time in years. I think I'm still awake because I went to the gym for the first time in months, and my body and mind are quite pleased. I should clearly do that more often.
I have a ton of things to do that I could get started on, but I am choosing to stay still with my pups and watch this movie before I do anything else. I love spending quiet hours with them in the mornings before I have to start my day, and I think they enjoy it as much as I do.
There is a new moon today, and I love the peaceful feeling new moons bring. It’s a great time to refocus, sit still, and let beginnings and endings ebb and flow around me. This is officially my 8th blog, and I am really enjoying writing and posting them!
Last night and this morning I have been thinking about alignment in my life. I have trusted the universe to guide me through serendipitous events for years now, but it wasn’t until quite recently that I fully embraced my role in both achieving and maintaining alignment in my life. Although it’s been a somewhat brutal process to face my own fears and insecurities, I cannot imagine my life any other way than it is now. The past months have brought about a feeling of becoming that I have absolutely adored. One of my very dearest friends, My Main Bitch, has spoken with me often of shedding and reminds me any time I need to hear it that you can’t rip the skin off the snake.
We shed when we shed, and the shed I’m currently experiencing is so wonderful. I wrote a poem a while ago when I was experiencing a moment of growth and clarity, and I have thought of it often recently. It was a glimpse into what this becoming is centered around, and who I am. Reading it again now is delightful. I’ll leave y’all with it and a couple more photos. Embrace the changes this new moon is ushering into your lives. Take care, lovelies.
-Eluria
the Bukowski struggle
i can’t stop thinking about it
and overthinking
and analyzing
every single second
Bukowski would be proud
that i can see my passion,
and devastated
that i won’t let it kill me
so while lying in bed
pondering
what comes next
how to throw caution to the wind
and take a leap of faith
without harming my inner child
i realized
i only needed to write it out
and cradle baby Kate
in medium weight lead
on wide ruled paper
to show her –
to show myself
that no matter how many times i leap
no matter how many times i fall
she will always be safe
she will always be loved
she will always be
cradled in the pages
i have written,
and loved
so deeply
every late night spent
wrestling insecurities
and fighting myself
end with pencil on paper
and another piece of my heart
whispered across the page
in medium weight lead
on wide ruled paper
that always reveals myself
to myself
and that passion i have?
will be the death of me
either way.
so i’ll gather all of my selves
on all of these pages
and leap
