It’s 1:00 in the morning on All Saints’ Day, and I’m sitting in a casino hotel room just soaking up the vibes. They are so lovely, and I am still in awe of my budding ability to sink into that good feeling and just sort of nest there while I can. For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid to be openly happy. Because happy moments can be fleeting, it seemed like I was somehow ushering in the possibility of that moment being cut short by openly acknowledging the fact that I was, indeed, experiencing happiness.
While happiness is something that we contribute to in life as opposed to something that happens to us, it is also something that cannot be manufactured. It happens when it happens, and our willingness to acknowledge where and who we are is critical in recognizing happiness when it does show up. I found a therapist who is the right match for me in the last year, and it has been immensely helpful as I learn how to navigate the universe I've somehow lived within for my entire life and still know so little about.
Other than my therapist (who is a truly remarkable human, I can't say it enough), I have also explored the Tarot to gain some insight into my own thoughts, emotions, and actions. One of the things that makes the tarot so effective for such a broad spectrum of people is the archetypal nature of the elements of the Major and Minor Arcana. Tonight, while I sat in this hotel room feeling the overwhelming goodness swarming in the air around me, I decided to do a Halloween celtic cross reading to take stock in a moment of pure happiness instead of always reaching for the deck when I feel low. The reading was incredible.
Of note in this reading is the first card, representative of where I am right now: the Knight of Wands. This card is representative of one's life purpose, something that has haunted me for a long time. I feel so aimless at times, drifting along as things happen around me. This card is a representation of the importance of growing into the space we find ourselves living within until we grow into the purpose each of us has in this life. The Knight of Wands is a call to bring light to the darkness, to use the strength I have gained to help those who are still lost in the struggle. It was incredible to draw this card in the first position on a night when I wanted to verify my feelings of being in the right place.
The other noteworthy element of this reading was the presence of three specific cards from the Major Arcana: the Emperor, the Chariot, and the Empress. The specific location of these cards within the celtic cross. The Emperor showed up first, in the fifth card position, representative of my strengths. This card is described as the self-motivated pioneer, and if that is not an incredible strength card to draw then I don't know what is. The Chariot was pulled in the seventh position - the suggested approach as I move forward. This card reminds us that, while we cannot get off of the chariot at will, we can take stock and determine which direction we are headed anytime we feel overwhelmed, lost, or stuck. The Empress showed her face in the 10th position - my potential future. The Empress reminds us to embrace all aspects of our femininity so that we may build a world for ourselves to live comfortably within. The drawing of three Major Arcana is meaningful, let alone the Emperor and Empress in the same reading.
I could not be more pleased with my decision to do a reading tonight. Often, I find myself forgetting to reach out for these validations while I feel surrounded by love and light, not just when I feel like the darkness is trying to drown me. I'll leave y'all with a few pics of this delicious late Samhain night, and all of the love and light you can possibly stand.
