Last night I attended a Halloween party with a group of people I had not spent much time with lately. This time last year I was in a really dark place with myself and the group of friends I loved dearly because we were growing apart. I wanted so badly to keep us all together that I lost sight of how harmful it was to keep putting myself in the precarious position of stretching myself thin fighting to keep something that was evolving. It was so difficult to face the fact that people just grow apart sometimes, and there's nothing that can be done to change that.
I have spent a lot of time this year reflecting on who I really am and what makes me happy. Attachment is the root of so much of my suffering, because when I become attached to something or someone, I immediately begin to worry about what will happen when things change and those people are not a part of my life anymore. I get so caught up in that worry that I miss out on the moments that are enjoyable. It's difficult to break out of that thought pattern, but it has been so rewarding.
Last night was so enjoyable. The most enjoyable Halloween party I've attended in years, because I was truly there to enjoy the evening for exactly what it was with no other expectations. It was an incredibly fun night with incredibly fun people, and instead of worrying about how I looked or what I was wearing or what people thought or what my old friends were doing, I focused on doing things I enjoyed. I ate bbq, drank Glengoyne whisky a friend brought home from a trip across the pond, found a prop severed head that I carried around all night, watched telemundo, had an impromptu photo shoot with an insanely fun group, and closed out the night with a wonderfully insightful 2 am conversation with my brother.
This morning, instead of overthinking anything that happened last night, I slept in, had lunch with my brother, then headed home. I worked in my yard and my mom and I rearranged the furniture on my patio so we could set up a primitive bench she bought for me a few months ago that has just been waiting for a day like this.
I hope everyone else had a great weekend, and kicks Monday's ass tomorrow. Here are a few memories from the party last night and the afternoon. My puppers love the bench!
