elu

i gave myself a haircut when i got home from work today. didnt cut them all off just made a fancy little dreadhawk. i really like it

i think im going through mid mid life crisis or something. im not sure what the next step to take is. im having all of these severe doubts that the relationship im in is going to last. and its all because of me. i dont know what i want and tonight i cant stop thinking about one of my exes. when my little brother mentioned that he was hanging out with him tonight it sparked this crazy obsession with my past. im up late and im not tired. ive been trying to find photos of him and everything. i think ive lost my mind. when i first went away to college i broke up with him because i was in college. i was trying to do what i thought i was supposed to do. we hooked up a couple of years ago and it was very nice but i havent spoken to him since then . i should just let it go.

so opposite from the side of me that wants to go back to the past is the side of me that wants to fly to california and get my MFA fucking random girls here and there. i seem to be wanting all kinds of freedom and at the same time expect that all of my lovers should just understand no questions asked. relationships dont seem to work out that way. i think i am incredibly selfish and immature when it comes to relationships. sypmtom of Adult ADD?

i miss ewan...