I love the holidays, by the way, merry xmas to everybody.
but theres something that happened today that made me realized how much i miss my family and how homescik i am, today while talkin to my grandmother on the phone she talked about my father (RIP) and that made me sad as shit, that is one of the few topics i try to stay away from because even though i didnt really knew him that well i still miss him, i miss everything that he did for me, i miss talkin to my family about all the great things he did, i miss my family, i miss having a regular xmas, and whats weird is that i never drank on xmas before, because i was surrounded and high on the love that the holidays brought, this is the first holiday that i feel like this, its been 5 years since ive seen my family on the holidays but most of all this is the first holiday that i drink and some people might not see it as a big deal but for me thats pretty pathetic, i mean, i keep askin myself wheres the strong person that lived in me all these years??? am i really that weak, that lonely, that homesick? i guess i am but in the end what i really miss the most is my father. I have memories from my chilhood and one of those memories was never crying over my father being gone, never, until i was away from my family that i realized that he was the most important person in my life and that he is gone and 14 years later i cryed over that, i felt like shit because i was alone, i needed my family to hold me together and they were gone and there was nothing i could do about it.
In conclusion even though i love the holidays and theyre the happiest season of the year, they have made me realized that i need my family, i need to go back home, i need to get away from this cold, dull place and most of all i miss my father and pray to god that hes somewhere protecting me and guiding me in this cold, dark path called life. I dont mean to be a downer but that is what i feel.
Hope that everybody is enjoyin their holidays and theyre surrounded by the people they love.
but theres something that happened today that made me realized how much i miss my family and how homescik i am, today while talkin to my grandmother on the phone she talked about my father (RIP) and that made me sad as shit, that is one of the few topics i try to stay away from because even though i didnt really knew him that well i still miss him, i miss everything that he did for me, i miss talkin to my family about all the great things he did, i miss my family, i miss having a regular xmas, and whats weird is that i never drank on xmas before, because i was surrounded and high on the love that the holidays brought, this is the first holiday that i feel like this, its been 5 years since ive seen my family on the holidays but most of all this is the first holiday that i drink and some people might not see it as a big deal but for me thats pretty pathetic, i mean, i keep askin myself wheres the strong person that lived in me all these years??? am i really that weak, that lonely, that homesick? i guess i am but in the end what i really miss the most is my father. I have memories from my chilhood and one of those memories was never crying over my father being gone, never, until i was away from my family that i realized that he was the most important person in my life and that he is gone and 14 years later i cryed over that, i felt like shit because i was alone, i needed my family to hold me together and they were gone and there was nothing i could do about it.
In conclusion even though i love the holidays and theyre the happiest season of the year, they have made me realized that i need my family, i need to go back home, i need to get away from this cold, dull place and most of all i miss my father and pray to god that hes somewhere protecting me and guiding me in this cold, dark path called life. I dont mean to be a downer but that is what i feel.
Hope that everybody is enjoyin their holidays and theyre surrounded by the people they love.