elora

My life has been a fucking roller coaster lately and i don't even know how to begin to tell you all what has been going on in my life... in fact there is way to much to even try to type out here..

so here's the abridge version

my boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 years... we always talked about getting married and i was sure it was happening this Christmas... instead my entire world as i knew it began falling apart..

He began drinking heavily and pushing me away from him...into the arms of another man in fact... So we broke up and i began dating a close friend of ours...

during this time i learned that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend.. at first i was mad..then hurt...and sad..but being an adult about the situation i talked it out with both of them.. not completely forgiving their actions but i was willing to put the past behind me..after all i had a new dude right? and they are both such important people in my life.. was i really willing to throw them both away? (call me a sucker if you'd like but i just don't see the point in holding grudges!)

So just when i think things are starting to settle... i learn some more information that sends me for a loop.. does anyone ever tell the truth anymore?

So its time to reassess my life... what the hell am i doing? am i trying to fill a void in my love life with my close friend because its what i've been looking for from my boyfriend? and if that is the case... thats totally unfair to him.. He's an amazing guy..the sweetest guy i know and im taking advantage of him? I can't stand to think that to be the case... I love him... but am in love with him?

So then i get a bomb dropped on me...

"Will you marry me?"



holy hell did i hear that right?

Apparently back around Christmas my boyfriend was going to purpose to me but with everything that happened and the mistakes he made he instead pushed me away from him... and every time he would try to tell me what had happened he would be convinced otherwise by someone saying that it would hurt me to much..or that it had happened to long ago and to forget it..well trying to forget it just drove him crazy and instead all of this mess occurred...

So.. I'M GETTING MARRIED! and though this may seem rash to some...you have to realize.. we've been together for 5 years... we both thought we wanted different things and after trying to be apart we've realized that each of us isn't complete without the other...

So no more tears from this girl... nothing but smiles from here on out