elmcitydrunk

wierd weekend. ended up hanging out with ex girlfriends both fri and sat nights. interesting also because i've had the odd nights of passion or lost weekends with both of them since relationships long ago. in fact, the last time that i saw either of them ended up as more than a casual visit. so now of course i'm thinking of all my regrets and bad decisions and insecurities about who was right for me when and if my head got in the way of my happiness.
the girl that i saw tonight was my first, and we've connected many times in the past 10 years. both as friends and as other. and it's never been just sex, i really have always adored her, but it still has never really worked with us relationship-wise. now i probably sound wierd, but as always there are many other factors involved (like her dating another ex of mine- yes my life at times has resembled chasing amy, except i went to meow mix with an ex and got so drunk i puked. not pretty)
but i digress- i guess i'm having trouble figuring out if i really want to be with this girl now that she's moving back and it could work (if she's single) or if loneliness and the desire to have a relationship has me thinking about someone that i'm really comfortable with.

the moral of the story is that i'm confused. confused and sick of waking up in a big bed that's only half full. at this point not having sex is one thing, and i can deal with that. i just want some passion and some warmth in my life. oh well. someday perhaps....