ells

I need to get some stuff off of my chest. Maybe it will help me feel better. I don't know though.

I feel pretty much lost in my life right now. I care about next to nothing and I haven't been honestly happy in a very long time. Seeing me on the street would lead you to believe I'm fine, maybe even happy. But that's not the case. On the inside I'm falling apart. I'm a shy person and I always put others before myself. So my pain hardly ever shows through. I like making people happy. I don't want to bring people down by talking about myself and it's just scary for me let people in. Seven months ago my girlfriend left the state for what should have been a short time. She decided on staying and I was suposed to join her. Things didn't go that way though. Unbeknownst to her, in her absence I purchased an engagement ring. Hoping that when she returned I could ask her to marry me. Well, I'm still single. She still talks to me when she calls me. Is very adiment about me being her friend. She wants me in her life forever. How is still knid of unknown. But I love her as much as the day she left. I don't know what to do with myself. My mind has been ripping itself apart and my heart with it. I'm lost...

I need to get ready to go to San Fransisco. I'm going to see Marilyn Manson tonight. How long will the fun last I wonder? Have a good weekend.