ellebelle

I get way too personal with my blogs to just add all kinds of people. I have about 23 pending requests, I need to clear them out. I added about 2 people recently, but I'll take them off soon. I don't see the point of being on someone friendslist and not writing in their blogs when they update.

And you are on your way to bring me some of that delicious coffee right??

My friend told me I should be hanging out on post to find a sugar daddy LOL. I told her she was right, but I don't want to go alone and all my friends here are in relationships. Military guys don't even make that much but in this day and age every bit helps! LOL. One day I will tell you about this guy in Seattle who loves me. He started out as a sugar daddy thing but now it is out of control. It is kind of a bad situation. I don't know if I mentioned him before to you. That was the guy I went to see some months ago. He plans to fly me out there to him again in a month or so, and I will definitely tell him to drive me to Portland so we can meet!

Anyway, I have nothing to do so I will give you the rundown a little. He thinks he is my boyfriend, but I don't consider him that. I haven't yet figured out how to get away from him. :-( he really helps me out when I need it, and he is a very sweet guy. I care for him a lot but I do not want to be with him. He is about to go into the military in a few months. He was like, "the money I make during basic training I want you to have so you can take Alana to Disneyworld or wherever she wants to go". He is a real sweetie. I told him I'll think about moving in with him (NOT) but he can't plan his life around me. I told him Alana is my priority and nothing is going to get in the way og me finishing school and becoming a nurse, nothing short of the grave. He says he would rather have me in his life temporarily than not at all. Nothing I tell this guy sticks.

I do not feel good about this situation. I am not the type that uses people, and I don't like to owe anyone. I feel like this will affect a serious relationship I plan to have with someone else in the future. I will always be wondering if they are being sincere. I have been dropping hints to this guy like crazy, but he doesn't get it. I can't dump him now because he needs my support to get through his rough time (being unemployed). I always planned to use Alana as an excuse (I told him I won't move in with any man until I believe she is ready to see that, since she is still hurting over her dad) to get out of moving in with him. He is a great guy though, very patient and calm with children. He would be a good male role model for her, but I can't go there without getting in over my head. Even more than I am now. I figured the distance between us would have put a stop to this all, but it didn't work. :-(

I also feel that I have to stick around for a bit longer so I won't get bad karma out of this. I have been upfront with him (95% of the time lol). He knows I'm seeing someone else, etc. I told him I have no plans to get married or have kids again- but HE STILL won't leave me alone. And he wants that badly! He says he respects my decision and hopes I will change it. NO way! No more custody fights for me EVER again! I feel bad for him because he is in love with me, I can hear it in his voice and in the things he says. But I don't feel that way towards him. The other night he asked me if I ever "longed for someone so much that my body literally ached". I told him no. But I lied, I know that feeling- just not for him.

I guess if I was really bitter on relationships or had a bleak look in general about love- I would be with him. He is the definition of 'security'. But even after getting my heart broken, I still believe in love and that is what I want in life. I just don't know what to do *sigh*.

Oh yeah, on the L word. I'm sad it is ending, but the creator is a nutjob. Sometimes I don't know what she is thinking. She went from being a hero to hated over the course of the show. I know about Max, I have been reading recaps of the episodes. My friend doesn't have Showtime on her cable package. I saw most of the last season, except the final episode, I do know what happened though I read about the shows I can't see on the tv or on youtube.

I heard Max got left by Tom. What a shitty situation (if it were real of course lol). You'd think even if he slept with a gay man they would be having anal sex and not vaginal- but people do 'strange' things in the bedroom. I'm not one to judge. Gender and gender preference is a crazy thing. Can you imagine what this world would be like if it were okay to express those feelings? No wonder the fundies try their hardest to keep it men& women only. LOL. Good luck to that.

I just knew Tasha & Alice weren't going to last. And Tasha got booted out of the military for a relationship that's not even going to work out. That is why I never get mad at people who choose to use their head over their hearts. (Or vice versa). In life you never know what is around the corner. I know everyonw was cheering when she left- I was happy too, but the military was everything to her character. She wasn't like me, who did my job but was thrilled to be outta there.. Now she'll be a cop.

Now Jenny. Jenny Jenny Jenny. I like her character, she is wierd and nuts. When she had her nervous breakdown I felt for her and loved her character even more, because I know what it is like to just want to let it all out. I'm not surprised she's in love with Shane. But obviously, that won't end well.

I think Bette & Tina need to wait on having baby #2, they weren't even back together long enough to see if they will work out. I will say, that is very realisitic though. How many couples have more kids in a hurry, or at least before they examine the relationship closer. I will admit, the scene where they kiss and reunite at the party is one of my favorite clips. I watch it all the time. And the song, Dream by Alice Smith is now one of my all time favorite songs.

I'm going to submit a support request from their website on the software. The other thing I've noticed now that I've used it for some gaming tonight is that the thumb button has a glitch - about two thirds of the time, pressing it results in a click, but releasing it results in another click. So, it's like a slow double-click. I use that button for toggling my autorun on and off, so the result is that it toggles it on and off almost immediately. The handling of the mouse is still good and despite being a different shape and size from my old one, I like the feel.

My old mouse is a Logitech MX-1000, which is an awesome mouse, IMO. It's heavy and a bit too big for some people, but it fits my hand well. It's about three years old and the mouse wheel doesn't work if there is too much pressure used to turn it. I may stick with it for gaming and use the new one as my regular mouse. In some games, I don't use the thumb button, so it will be fine.

Scratch that - figured the software out. It's because I use a higher dots per inch setting with my graphics to make icons and text larger. So the bottom part of their software window, where you click 'apply' in order to change settings, wasn't visible because the larger text size setting was pushing it 'below the window' (off-screen, so to speak). It's a combination of me using something that is non-standard (although a standard option in video settings) and them not bothering to write their software to take that into account.

In reading the reviews, a somewhat recurring problem with the left mouse button has been that single clicks start becoming double clicks. I've only used it a few hours and am starting to have that problem, but with the thumb button instead. Otherwise, everything else is great so far. There is another button on the right for the ring finger, so I may re-map the thumb button setting to it and see how that goes. For the price, it's a great mouse, but not if you have to replace it in a month. If I get six months out of it, that will be okay. If I get a year, that will be great. My MX-1000 was a gift, but was $70 at the time. That works out to about $23 per year. Now that I think about it, it might be 4 years old, so maybe less than $20 per year.

Update: he didn't get to Columbia until 11:30pm. By then the tipout to work was almost $80. I wasn't risking it. I was so pissed already then the girl with me was mad, so that agitated me even more. I offered to pay her tipout so she could work and I would just chill and wait until she was done. She got a attitude and got in the car and turned the music up.

Then comes him pulling up in his brand new minivan with his new family in it and I went from feeling pissed to anger. If that makes any sense I was just emotional. I just want to go to fucking bed and stay there all weekend. But now I'm in Florence SC and I still have 1 hour and 15mins to go.

The girl I'm with stopped here to say hi to her best friend. She asked to stay so we could go out, but I don't have it in me. I told her I wanted to go home. I don't know if she is mad or not but oh well. This wasn't my fucking fault. He said there was traffic, that's why he took so long.

I am SOOOOO tempted to make him wait like I did on Sunday when I go back to pick her up. I guess I will meditate on it and try to take the high road. I don't know if I have it in me. I know I do, but it isn't always easy to be the better person.

I will try to ask for insurance, I'm kinda apprehensive about getting what I want in the divorce. I read these forums with men whining about how they got screwed and have to pay so much money to their ex wives. I feel that I would get that if I had a superstar Cochran type lawyer. I can't afford that lol. If I get a good lumpsum for temporary alimony, I'll go get another lawyer- I don't really like the one I have now.

I like my therapist, but all she does is have me talk for the hour. Isn't she supposed to be helping me out? Telling me what I need to do or try to figure out why I am doing the things I doing??

She's basically a shoulder to cry on. I don't cry there of course, but it is more like a friend or family member convo than patient/professional relationship.

I may have to find another one. I'd just hate going thru that interview stuff again! I'd better get my xanax or something in the next month or two, if not- I'm outta there!

Oh yeah you had asked me about painting. Lady, I hate to paint! I would buy one of those spray type paint things that spray the paint onto the walls! Fuck all that arm up and down stuff- that shit always takes toooo long. Especially with the primer crap. It does look good when it is done though, I hope you fix it up and get it done soon. I'd faster pay someone to do it rather than do it myself.

You are just such a sweetheart! I SWEAR!!
Diabetic secrets? Yaa I do. Been a diabetic since I was 11... and you and I are the same age.. lol umm duh? hahahha

NICE pressies! I want that primer stuff. I just always forget to buy it. I hate makeup.. well, not true. I am learning.
BUT I WANT PRIMER STUFF!!!
Maybe for my birthday I will buys me some!

Anyway I dont actually drink the protein shakes. I found out that Carnation Instant Breakfast is way cheap and jsut as good. I also get the generic version of the ensure.. throw a banana, a little bit of oats and some vanilla yogurt and I have a shake! I mix it up. Now they ARE high in calories so this MIGHT not help... but I just know the cheaper stuff cuz well I am a broke ass! All my money now is going to my move to AZ in May!

So BrooklinBabe is not ok?? I am worried now so I am off to go check!

You must have been jacked on coffee when you visited my journal.

I like everything you've done, despite the cute overload. Very vibrant, but everything blends or contrasts well. I just noticed what looks like little rolled up wash cloths or towels under the cabinet. Great stuff.

I left a comment on your previous post. Have fun with mom tomorrow.

Vitamins GUUUD! Good JOB! YAY!

and I have bottom dentures. When you develop a severe stomach disorder (gastro paresis) from diabetes and you throw up 10 times a day for 6 months to a year you 1. become so thing you waste away. Ex. I weighed 94 pounds.. and right at the moment I am at a comfortable 130... so I was a skeleton ) and 2. the acid eats thru your teeth and they fall out. No one ever knows, but I am honest about them. I have some funny stories...

So that was too much "real life" for a blog comment. How about some Pon and Zi??



seeing as how its 5 AM and I cant sleep!

I love the color orange. It comes right after purple and red as my favorite colors.

I'll buy any color mouthwash as long as it works, I never knew people had an aversion to orange mouthwash.

Oops, I read that as masterbation wallpaper.

I tried the orange mouthwash and did not like it. Now, I use it for my mouthguard every couple of weeks and rinse it well afterwards.

Orange is a decent bathroom color. I wouldn't want it for a living room or bedroom. My mom used to have an orange kitchen. Now that I think about it, K had an orange kitchen, too. Right next to the olive green living room. It was an interesting effect looking from the opposite wall of one through the doorway to the other.

I was just going to do that.

$8.50's fine as long as someone else is buying!


that's one pissed off tooth!
i have yet to floss today... i should go take care of that.

Hehe, I just had to giggle when I saw how many comments you left on my page and how long that one was!

I actually spell it like theatre... it goes either way. Theatre is the European spelling, kind of like they spell it colour... they're silly but I like it lol. Theater is the American spelling. Anyways, I'm not sure if I've heard of her but the name seems a little familiar. I'll check her out.

I haven't pulled my camera out in a while, so no pics. And yes, life is treating me pretty well for the most part.

I have collected 14 friends requests that I have neither accepted nor declined and I don't know if I'll ever get around to doing anything about them.

I don't think you ever mentioned the amnesia stuff in the group but I'm glad to hear things are better!

As for SG's I've met, I'm friends with Rowan. I met her on here first and was apparently her first friend on SG. Her friend is a host at a club in Portland and I got to see London dance on stage half nekkid when I visited in August. I think that's about it. Pretty much just Rowan and she's fantastic.

Hey there! Thanks for your post on my blog!

So here's my weight-y story: I was the biggest I've ever been 3 weeks ago at 222lbs. After I recovered from the shock of it all, I decided I had to finally do something about my weight, rather than do my usual of burying my head in chocolate covered sand. I've been on a calorie controlled diet since then and so far I've lost 5 lbs. My aim is to try and get to around 170lbs for my birthday which is in July. It's a tight deadline but I'm determined to see it through!

xxx

Hi SweetiePie. I should be in bed, but I can't tear myself away from the computer. I wanted to be up early to spend the mere $100 I got as a gift in the store tomorrow at some after Christmas sale.

Did you see the Hello Kitty MAC collection? I put some pics up in the Sanrio group.