elizagirl

*croak*

The phrase "Pub crawl" should be considered bad language.

I will pay someone one million dollars to come over and pet my back and read to me while I quietly die

*whimper*.

Hahaha....yes, it was an April Fool's joke, as I only found out AFTER submitting the article, and should have checked first. Gillian (the girl in the article) actually designed my web site, and is a super cool chick. But because it was on the BMEzine web site, I totally bought it (having seen other legit bod mods on their site, including voluntary amputation). Sorry bout...
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If I ever decide that I feel the need to be this hardcore, somebody just save me the trouble and shoot me in the face, please?

Because Ew, ew, eeeeewwwwww! SWEET JESUS!

Embarrassing things about me:

I love the movie "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion".

I dropped out of swimming lessons in either "Guppies" or "Tadpoles" (I forget which) in stubborn humilation. I can swim now, but not with any sort of style, form or finesse.

I'm secretly a hopeless romantic and want so desperately to be with someone the same, who appreciates the little things...
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Today I went grocery shopping. For fun, a weird thing to do, and posterity, here's my grocery bill:

Two large broccoli heads:: $1.73

Campbell's Chicken with Rice Soup (the good, yummy kind), one can: $1.49

3 bananas, slightly green: $0.68

one zucchini: $0.82

Campbell's Portobello Mushroom Ravioli and Tomato Soup (manna from heaven! and a quick lunch), two cans: $2.98

One 10 oz. bag of...
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Here's something both creepy and comforting at the same time, which I have neglected mentioning, because it makes me sound like a serious psycho: Fenchurch looks eerily, uncannily like my dead older sister, Jenn. Especially in the profile pic she's chosen, when she's sorta looking up and to the side to look at the camera? So I keep looking at it, because as bizarrely unhealthy...
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I was at my sister's funeral. I was wearing a skirt, knee socks, my new Minnie Mouse Maryjanes (I really just got these. So cute.). The funeral was for some reason much like a house party, and I was drunk. We were for some reason having two funerals for Jenn; one "grown up" funeral where my parents were, and then the one I was at--a...
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I am so fucking done with bars. I'm used to being fed weird lines by other patrons, but staff? Staff who seems really nice most of the time? I'm confused. I have no idea what to think.

Basically, one of the bouncers at a bar I frequent (okay, THE bar I frequent--like I ever fucking go anywhere else) sat down tonight, on his night off,...
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I stayed home sick from work today, but don't have to use a sick day, because I did all my work from home. Sweet. Work is much more tolerable when done in jammies with the music blaring.

I made myself spaghetti with broccoli and mushrooms for dinner.

I thought I'd have a shower to make myself feel better.

I thought, in the shower, that I...
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A wonderful birthday, mostly.

Con: TWO parking tickets (yes, thirty dollars worth...me = dumb) today. Ouch.

Con: So much work today that I thought I would drown, and got a bit nervous breakdowny once or twice.

Con: it has become a ridiculous tradition at work to send the most embarrassing photo of the 'birthday person' possible around to the whole company via email. Mine this...
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MOTHERFUCKING *COCK*, my stupid twat of a bitch ex-husband just phoned me THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY and started making ridiculous demands about divorce papers. Newsflash, Ricky Retardo--I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU TO PONY UP WITH THE PAPERWORK FOR A YEAR. Gah.

I used to think his accent was so sexy. Now I just want to scrape his throat with a fork. To...
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I just feel like curling into a ball and going to sleep and staying that way. I'm so fucking down I can't see back up, today.