Had "the talk" today, which sucked. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. Knew it was coming, knew it probably wouldn't last, the sarcastic smart assed back of my mind probably had a bet going against/on myself.
My ovaries are also having a go at me. So not sure what I'm really feeling, or if I'm hyper-hormone feeling. Either way it sucks.
The entire thing isn't fair, to either of us really. He's moving, I'm here. But it's right, he and I that is, if there were a he and I. There's chemistry, lots of chemistry. And touch is definately the best and most intoxicating sense. I've seen this before. With Christopher. Not that this is anything remotely close to that, because everything about my involvement with Christopher is incredibly icky (for lack of a better term), but in the beginning it never was ment to be pure physical, and that's what it turned into.
With this guy now, whom I adore, have feelings and such for, I know I'm weak. I know if the moment arises, I won't be able to stop myself. I like to kiss, I like to touch. It's nice to be desired, really desired. But I have to. I want to remain friends. I want there to be a chance in the future if it ever arises. I'm not going to wait for that chance, that's like self inflicted torture. But I can't help but be this uber nieve (even though time and again disproved) romantic idealist.
I fell in love with the idea of being in love. It wasn't unfounded, this has been by far the most "normal" relationship I've had. It's lasted longer than two dates, hasn't been "just benefits", or an emotional kick to the head like well, almost all the rest. I didn't look for it, it came from out of nowhere. And was nice.
I'm more than a bit sullen because it's at it's end, but wouldn't change a thing. I lived a bit, and that's more than I've done in awhile.
I don't mean to vent on here, but fuck if I have anywhere else to rant. If you know of this in rl, please disregard the above.
I'm looking forward to my birthday, it'll be nice to get out with friends, but that's still like 16 days away, two fucking weeks. I want to go out tonight, but have nowhere to go. So instead I'm sitting here at school, probably till 2. like usual as of late. Now I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Enough of that, call it for what it is and get past it Sarah.
My ovaries are also having a go at me. So not sure what I'm really feeling, or if I'm hyper-hormone feeling. Either way it sucks.
The entire thing isn't fair, to either of us really. He's moving, I'm here. But it's right, he and I that is, if there were a he and I. There's chemistry, lots of chemistry. And touch is definately the best and most intoxicating sense. I've seen this before. With Christopher. Not that this is anything remotely close to that, because everything about my involvement with Christopher is incredibly icky (for lack of a better term), but in the beginning it never was ment to be pure physical, and that's what it turned into.
With this guy now, whom I adore, have feelings and such for, I know I'm weak. I know if the moment arises, I won't be able to stop myself. I like to kiss, I like to touch. It's nice to be desired, really desired. But I have to. I want to remain friends. I want there to be a chance in the future if it ever arises. I'm not going to wait for that chance, that's like self inflicted torture. But I can't help but be this uber nieve (even though time and again disproved) romantic idealist.
I fell in love with the idea of being in love. It wasn't unfounded, this has been by far the most "normal" relationship I've had. It's lasted longer than two dates, hasn't been "just benefits", or an emotional kick to the head like well, almost all the rest. I didn't look for it, it came from out of nowhere. And was nice.
I'm more than a bit sullen because it's at it's end, but wouldn't change a thing. I lived a bit, and that's more than I've done in awhile.
I don't mean to vent on here, but fuck if I have anywhere else to rant. If you know of this in rl, please disregard the above.
I'm looking forward to my birthday, it'll be nice to get out with friends, but that's still like 16 days away, two fucking weeks. I want to go out tonight, but have nowhere to go. So instead I'm sitting here at school, probably till 2. like usual as of late. Now I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Enough of that, call it for what it is and get past it Sarah.
I live by frandor. but I work an hour away. and thats what sucks. because now that my car isnt running...well..duh, I cant get to work.
I'm just so pissed at this mechanic. I feel he totally scammed me. even if it wasnt contiously. I feel like he SHOULD'VE found out this rod barring problem before and then I wouldnt have fixed the other shit wrong with my car. *sigh* no use in wishing I could change the past right?
if I get a car by then and you do a big group together for your bday, make sure to let me know..if I can I'll stop by.