elisabeth

We're coming to L.A. in May.

Maybe for a week or so, hopefully.

There's a lot that I want to do while I'm there, and it involves a bit of eating. Yum.

On a random note, I'm not sure what to say. Oh, I know. Perhaps there are some people that should keep their mouths shut, lest any sort of mystery that they might have once had, dissipates instantly. Perceived sexiness and intelligence is given way to crassness and idiocy.

Maybe I've been so antisocial for so long that I don't know how to deal with people. There's also the fact that people in Seattle stare a whole hell of a lot, which I didn't notice in Los Angeles or NY. I'm working on a plan of action for the stare posse.

I'm also a little disappointed about some things, but I know that I will have to work even harder to strive for what has been out of reach. I wrote this somewhere else and it explains a lot.

3. I'm one of the latest late bloomers that you will ever meet.

4. I really have no idea as to what I truly want to be when I grow up. This doesn't bother me anymore. I just call it a "mild concern" now. I've dabbled in so many fields with varied results, from abject failure to great success.

6. If I could live off of being glamorous full-time, I would. I don't give a shit what you think about that, either.

Looking back at 3, 4, and 6, I stand by all of it and want to add that 6 puts me in an interesting place in my life at the moment. I want to do burlesque again, for example, but my personality and music tastes aren't suited to the old-timey classics by any means and this greatly limits my options. Nor do I relate to tons of women, and that's been the truth for my entire existence.

I do have a deep appreciation for the burlesque revival and want to put my own spin on it, but I would feel utterly silly doing numbers like Peggy Lee and all of the other classics that people do.

What I want to do isn't exactly something that would be mislabeled as "performance art" either, as it's not avant-garde or inventive enough to be considered either of those, at least right now.

I'm also confused about turning 35 fairly soon. 98+% of persons that are 35 and up absolutely terrify me. I can't deny that anymore. I did a focus group for some market research last night. There was one granola-esque funky punky girl who was into Macs, but I realized that even though I am the age of certain target demographics that that is all I have in common with them. Age. Everything else, absolutely not.

So then what? I seem to have a lot more in common, tastes-wise, with my younger co-workers, but I see them going through all of their crazy shit that they still need to get a handle on. My motivations these days don't include drinking at bars constantly and also flirting with a different flavor of the week.

As for persons older than I that are into similar stuff, they are few and far in between and are fairly jaded, sad to say. I was headed down that path when I was still in L.A. Jaded and pretentious are so not for me.

I'm also disgusted with the curators (of anything, be it social, internet, hipsterdom, etc.) who would like to believe that they discovered XYZ first. You didn't. Neither did I. Neither did most of the people that you worship. It's all been done before, but you have to make it your own somehow and not be a copy cat.

Know your history and know it well.

I struggle with that one constantly.

Have a great weekend.