elgeneral

When I feel numb I look past you and then I feel dumb because I took you for granted. I am not sure what happened to me when I was in Baghdad for 15 months but I feel like this a lot lately. Sometimes I can see or watch movies or whatever that have war and violence in them and realistic bombings and stuff and feel nothing, like I am numb to it or that it is not a big deal and I have seen it in real life, so suck it up feelings. Sometimes I cry, or have intruding thoughts that I do not want to have and remember things that I do not want to.

I saw the movie the Kingdom earlier this week and I got a little of both. What scared me was that I felt a good rush, like I missed the adrenalin and the action of combat. When I first got back from Iraq I felt that I would be better off and more comfortable if I was back there in Iraq. But when I was there I remember thinking I want to get out of here and go home to the states.

I had a bad alcohol problem when I first got back also. Now I go to the bar a lot for lunch and just drink soda. "Keep your friends close and your enemies(alcohol) closer."

We have another football game tonight and we are 5-1 right now and this win would put us into the playoffs for sure.

Much love to you all.