elfboy

this humble little note is not for the journal entry. I have stumbled acrosss your profile for reasons unknown to myself. I'm taken by your other worldlyness. It a quality I always am searching for.... Have
a wildly beautiful night, and I humbly request your comradery. Adieu.

I agree, it's bullshit- but hey! you got the job! Yeey you!

You're saying it like peeing in a cup is a bad thing!

how are you doing sweetie ?

Another addendum.
Last night I went out and bought a couple of fourties, and spent most of the night talking with my friends about recent events.
I woke up this morning hung over, and thoroughly, completely, absolutely, totally depressed.
It feels great.
For years, I've been worried about paying the rent, keeping up with the bills, keeping a job, running a business, taking care of my friends & relatives, my pets, finding a girlfriend, keeping my friends & business associates out of trouble, all the fighting around me, all the yelling, etc., etc.,etc....
No more chest pain...
No more stomach problems...
No more peculiar arrangement of thought...
No more aching "base"
I'm completely cured.
I've always had a rather melancholic disposition, but for years I just couldn't get there, 'cuz I had too much to do.
Everything falling apart finally "took me home".....and I feel fine.

Rather than write a new entry, I've decided to add an addendum. Of sorts. Not exactly related, but not unrelated, either.
Molestation is caused by fear and insecurity. Abuse is caused by anger and pain. Both rooted in the Limbic system, both expressing a sense of powerlessness.
In an unwell way.
I was doing my shiatsu exercises this morning, the one in which one is face down on the floor in a fetal position, like in mosques, when I "looked' into
my sister's grave. I wondered why her, why her first, even for a second why it wasn't me. Wondered why my Mother has to deal with this now.
I've been wrecked for nearly two weeks. I was fortunate. I had lots of family, and lots of intimacy as a child, so I've never had problems w/ it.
My sister's secrets will be buried with her, largely, but the causes will echo through time, as will the effects.
Alot of people who have tried to force me to make certain personal choices now understand what I've been telling them for years & years. They unfortunately have been forced to gain a new perspective about me, and learned what they have missed, had been spared.
A wise friend of mine said today "If Sin is Need, and you have been sinned against, it is because.....
you are needed."



It's odd that I remain so logical whilst being so emotionally...offbeat.
An abnormal response to an abnormal situation is normal. So I guess I'm not crazy.
Peace, my friends...

happy day of the dead!!!

New comments soon!