electric_squid

I almost made an extremely bad decision tonight so I'm making an appointment to get some professional help. I don't know how this is going to work out since my shit insurance policy doesn't want to pay for anything except a doctor's visit. I know I'm going to be put back on meds but I have no idea how the hell I'm going to pay for them. I was hoping I could hold out until I got my car paid off in two months but after tonight, I'd better not try. I'm just glad I bought this car from a family friend and I'm pretty sure he won't mind if I have to miss a month under the circumstances. The one thing I'm not looking forward to is my mother's reaction. The last time she kept telling me all I needed was more jesus in my life. I'm an ex minister and even in the classes I did take acknowledged that depression is an illness and not having anything to do with 'not being right with god'. I wish I could get a hold of that video from my old Pastoral Counseling class and have her sit through it. If I did, it probably wouldn't help anyway. I dont even know what to do at this point; I dont even have the strength to pretend like everything is ok.