Heres a quick up date. I have had a shitty week. Last week my mother fell in the bathroom in the middle of the night and landed on the edge of the tub. I took her to the emergency room to make sure she didnt break a rib. Fortunately she didnt, but she did severely bruise a rib, or two. Since that went down Tuesday night, Ive taken off work to help her out. My brother is going to be off next week so I can go back to work Monday and Im not sure which is more stressful, waiting on her hand and foot, for good reason of course, or dealing with a job I absolutely hate.
Ive heard that if my department looks like it wont hit our yearly goal our store will lose a manager, the one whos been in the job the shortest. That would be me. This sounds terrible but I really hope I lose my job. I know we are in the worst recession since the Great Depression and jobs just arent that plentiful, but dear god I dont know how much longer I can hold out. I hate my job and I hate the fact that Ive wasted 10 years doing nothing. Maybe Im having a mid-life crisis, I dont know but I have done nothing with my life and I want to do something that I deem worthwhile so bad it almost brings me to tears. I have wasted so much of my life just plodding along in life, just like I was always taught to do from day one, that when I think of what my life could have been, well, it drives me crazy. And before any of you tell me something along the lines of, hey, youre not old or youre not dead yet, I just want you to know that I already know that. It isnt the fact that I dont think I can change my life; I know I can. What is giving me pause is the amount of programming, 38 years worth that I have to figure out how to undo. It wouldnt be so bad if I had some really good friends to help me along but I actually dont. Well, its not like I dont have any good friends; I just dont have the kind that truly understands where Im coming from. Of course Im not sure where Im coming from myself anymore. All I know is this: I want to write and I want to do photography and I want to live my life on my terms. Its probably all just some kind of wishful thinking, I dont know. I just wish I knew someone that I could get some kind of moral support from; just relying on myself, well, its very draining.
Ive heard that if my department looks like it wont hit our yearly goal our store will lose a manager, the one whos been in the job the shortest. That would be me. This sounds terrible but I really hope I lose my job. I know we are in the worst recession since the Great Depression and jobs just arent that plentiful, but dear god I dont know how much longer I can hold out. I hate my job and I hate the fact that Ive wasted 10 years doing nothing. Maybe Im having a mid-life crisis, I dont know but I have done nothing with my life and I want to do something that I deem worthwhile so bad it almost brings me to tears. I have wasted so much of my life just plodding along in life, just like I was always taught to do from day one, that when I think of what my life could have been, well, it drives me crazy. And before any of you tell me something along the lines of, hey, youre not old or youre not dead yet, I just want you to know that I already know that. It isnt the fact that I dont think I can change my life; I know I can. What is giving me pause is the amount of programming, 38 years worth that I have to figure out how to undo. It wouldnt be so bad if I had some really good friends to help me along but I actually dont. Well, its not like I dont have any good friends; I just dont have the kind that truly understands where Im coming from. Of course Im not sure where Im coming from myself anymore. All I know is this: I want to write and I want to do photography and I want to live my life on my terms. Its probably all just some kind of wishful thinking, I dont know. I just wish I knew someone that I could get some kind of moral support from; just relying on myself, well, its very draining.