Friday Jan 04, 2008

0
Seriously. What do you do when you feel like there's no one in the world you can talk to?
I have no friends I feel comfortable talking to. They won't understand.
I'm gone through my phone book a hundred times, scouring for a name that might evoke feelings of trust and warmth. I get nothing.
I just feel lost. I feel like I've made mistakes. I feel like I can't get out.
I feel like a terrible person.
I don't feel pretty anymore.
I don't feel sexy.
There are so many things getting me down.
I want my body back.
I don't want to stop breastfeeding my baby.
I'm sick of speeding day upon day upon day with my child. How sick is that. How wrong is that.
I read these post by my fellow SGers about how in love with their partner they are. I want to feel that way.
I read posts about how much fun they have with their babies. I wish I had that.
I love my baby I do. But I just have a black cloud over me at the moment.
I feel like I just need to go for a week. Be alone. Find my head.
A friend of mine wants me. I know he does. He's told me.
And I like that. I like the way it feels to be wanted.
I want to be with him. And that's fucked up. Because I have a boyfriend.
But it all feels so lifeless.
This hurts.
And I don't know what to do or how to handle it.

My sister is pregnant and I feel like telling her not to have the baby. Not to have the baby and not to get married. Because I'm scared she'll end up feeling the way I do.
That is wrong.
That is so wrong.

What is wrong with me.

I feel slighty better writing that all down.

Crucify me if you will.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
crisco25:
First off, you are amazingly gorgeous. Everybody gets down sometimes. You are going through the biggest time in your life. This past year almost killed me and there where times that I had similar feelings. All I can say is stay strong and motivated and time heels all wounds. It's amazing how when we get into these places in our heads how it can really control us. It becomes very hard to get control back. But it's worth the fight. Stay strong
fluxuation:
Maybe you could get a family member to take the baby for a couple days, and you and the mister could go have sexy time? I can't really relate but I've heard a lot of people say that their relationships get stressed when they have a kid because of all the work... it's totally natural to feel down.

And ps, you're smokin'! So there.

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