this week has still be hellacious.
coping with the death of mizer has been really really difficult. i honestly dont feel the same anymore. i can rarely go without faking a smile. i dont want people to think that i am dragging the whole situation on so i think i just put on this whole mask of emotion, trying to seem happy for the world.
its been great having VelvetWood around. it is going to be teh suck when he has to go back to WA. i think this time i wont be as down just because i know he will be back within a year. i talked to him online and on the phone quite a bit (while he wasnt here) and it makes things hella wicked.
kymest has been trying to get our band together. member by agonizing member. its hard to find dedicated people. i swear. but, she has been great throughout this past week too. she has most definately helped me out a lot.
i hung out with an ex (kinda) yesterday at the renfest in larkspur, CO. it was actually fun. i hate to get my hopes up so i dont think i made anything big out of the deal. at the end of the evening she asked if she could play my guitar for a bit (of course i let her) and i taught her a couple of things. i am no great teacher but i showed her what i know. she did really good actually. i hate to say it but it was kind of a turn on. *shrugs.
when she had to go home i gave her a hug goodnight but it was like it lasted forever. she didnt really wanna let me go.
she has said that 'if things happen, they happen' but sometimes accuses me of being too 'clingy'. i dont see how. i let her do what she wants, i call her a few times but she calls me more often then not. *sigh... i guess i dont understand how things are supposed to 'just happen' if something isnt said or done.
i hate stupid shit.
oh, i have also been listening to korn - daddy for the simple fact that when he breaks down at the end of the song, it seriously expresses how i feel most of the time. not so much the situation, more or less the way he doesnt give a shit and just breaks down - screaming.
stupid insight (not my voice)
coping with the death of mizer has been really really difficult. i honestly dont feel the same anymore. i can rarely go without faking a smile. i dont want people to think that i am dragging the whole situation on so i think i just put on this whole mask of emotion, trying to seem happy for the world.
its been great having VelvetWood around. it is going to be teh suck when he has to go back to WA. i think this time i wont be as down just because i know he will be back within a year. i talked to him online and on the phone quite a bit (while he wasnt here) and it makes things hella wicked.
kymest has been trying to get our band together. member by agonizing member. its hard to find dedicated people. i swear. but, she has been great throughout this past week too. she has most definately helped me out a lot.
i hung out with an ex (kinda) yesterday at the renfest in larkspur, CO. it was actually fun. i hate to get my hopes up so i dont think i made anything big out of the deal. at the end of the evening she asked if she could play my guitar for a bit (of course i let her) and i taught her a couple of things. i am no great teacher but i showed her what i know. she did really good actually. i hate to say it but it was kind of a turn on. *shrugs.
when she had to go home i gave her a hug goodnight but it was like it lasted forever. she didnt really wanna let me go.
she has said that 'if things happen, they happen' but sometimes accuses me of being too 'clingy'. i dont see how. i let her do what she wants, i call her a few times but she calls me more often then not. *sigh... i guess i dont understand how things are supposed to 'just happen' if something isnt said or done.
i hate stupid shit.
oh, i have also been listening to korn - daddy for the simple fact that when he breaks down at the end of the song, it seriously expresses how i feel most of the time. not so much the situation, more or less the way he doesnt give a shit and just breaks down - screaming.
stupid insight (not my voice)
malloreigh:
HAHAHA. fuck that's funny. i think it's funnier to not tell people things like that.