ej

It was two years ago that I closed the doors to EmmaJoe's. It happened to be a coincidence that I was September 11th, it was a god night to close for some reason, and it fell on a Friday. Two years later, I realize the irony it has in my life, I will now be reminded every year that the shop has been closed for another year.
Two years later, and I thought I had let go. I don't think about it much, and when I do I'm more reflective than remorseful. However, I realize that I haven't moved on much in the last two years, I've been eking by with little effort and ambition. Not happy, but content with my life, always thinking it will be better if.
Someone gave me a job
My girlfriend would commit to the long run
my parents would quit hounding me about visiting
my dog would be happy inside all day.
Etc, etc, etc,
Um, ok, I see the pattern now. I've been outsourcing blame/responsibility to those around me. Time for it to stop. I spent the day trying to get paperwork done and start a deck project. I got thwarted in every step of the process, got frustrated to the point of depression and started the blame pattern all over again, then I saw the pattern.
I've settled into a state that is abnormal for who I know myself to be. This bothers me a lot, I had the suspicion that the problem was coming from within, but hadn't wanted to go there. Well here I am. Now What?

Time to stop the blaming, on others and myself. Identify what I want to change and get to work. There's a lot to do.