eireann

How about I make a non-emo post about my life for once?

I swore to God today. Like, literally, I swore, to God. It was a big one to- an f-bomb. So, I literally swore to God today.

It went something like this: I went to mass this morning, and I was sitting there, and I was just listening, and getting into it, and sort...
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a moment of honesty through tears.
and its in times like these that all my walls keep tumbling down
falling around my huddled frame
wishing for some shelter in this torrential rain.
I stand alone.

a moment of humbleness breaks through my arrogance.
things I thought were real disappear and I focus my energy on
running
running
but I'm so out of this moment that...
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and its this moment that I begin breathing
I'm not appealing
I'm not repealing some former judgement
just today, no longer obsessed with two seconds away
just breathing
just holding
just living
just knowing...
it's in this moment that I exist
if for but a sweet second, I will not resist
the existence of this moment is that on which I subsist
you can always...
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Well... here's the deal.
I'm still single.
I'm ok with this, really. But here's my epiphany-
I'm in no rush for anything with anyone. Seriously... I just am going to take some time for me. I'm going to enjoy this. And he and I decided to be friends, and I'm going to live my life like I should- one day at a time without focusing...
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Things are much, much better...

Ok, so when someone says, "this is just me being me, and I'm way out of my league emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and I know the universe will right itself one day," after they've done a complete one-eighty in 5 days, does that just mean that they're a bi-polar asshole who doesn't realize how good they really had it?
Seriously, he can go fuck the...
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Alas, I am still broken hearted. There is nothing I can say or do to take care of this... but time heals all wounds, right?

Except this time I'm afraid the events of this weekend have opened up old wounds as well as imposing new ones.
I just want everything to go back to the way that it was...
but it won't.
So I'm trying...
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And I am single.

Boys, don't rush in too quickly.

I'm still holding together. I'm still waiting for the phone call so I will know... will we work on this or will we go our separate ways.

I'm little pieces of fire... my stomach is a knot...
I just want to know.

I'm getting the fuck away from here for a little bit... I want to be by the lake and find comfort in the...
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I once had this dream in the back of my mind that one day, just one day I would become a fairy tale princess and Prince Charming would sweep me off of my feet.
You can't turn a frog into a princess in everyday life, though.

I just want to be somewhere else. I want to get the fuck away from here...
anywhere but my...
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