You know that spot when you lose control for just a split second?
You know, when you're driving on a snowy day and your car fishtails for a second. Or when you're just buzzed enough where you lose some of your inhibitions but still have most of your senses about you? Maybe that second when a conversation you were in control of skates a little off course and then redirects. Sometimes it's when a friendship kind of falls apart a little and you work it out. Or rollercoasters, that moment when you realize there's nothing you can do to stop the inevitable plunge ahead of you.
I've decided I love that moment of uncertainty. I was driving the other day in the massive snowstorm and I came around a turn and skidded for a moment; and when I regained control I was estatic. It was just that second; the split second when the road was fighting the ditch for my car and the road won. I had slipped for a second; just a moment of release from a day of controlling conversations, deposits, computers, schedules, lunches, sales, and what I ate for lunch. I lost control for just a second...and I remained calm.
But the thing that ocurred to me next probably confirmed my suspicions that I may, in fact, be a bit of a control freak. It wasn't really the moment that I lost control that gave me that surge of seratonin. It was the moment I regained it. And then I realized that I enjoy losing control because I love regaining it. It's the simple things, like gaining a pound so I can lose it again. Or falling behind on my sales goals so I can prove to myself that I am good at what I do. Or doing doughnuts in a parking lot. It's the fact that I have this newfound talent of staying calm no matter what storm is headed my way.
When I was younger, I panicked about everything that came my way. Seriously. If there was a small storm, I would panic about the possibility of a tornado. If there was a snow storm, what would I do if I was snowed in? If something broke, what would I do?
I think I relish in losing control because it's the first time I've allowed myself to do it; and when I do, for that split second, maybe I gain even more control because then, THEN, I control the situation and the situation doesn't controls me.
Pretty deep insights for a skid around a corner on a snowy day, huh?
You know, when you're driving on a snowy day and your car fishtails for a second. Or when you're just buzzed enough where you lose some of your inhibitions but still have most of your senses about you? Maybe that second when a conversation you were in control of skates a little off course and then redirects. Sometimes it's when a friendship kind of falls apart a little and you work it out. Or rollercoasters, that moment when you realize there's nothing you can do to stop the inevitable plunge ahead of you.
I've decided I love that moment of uncertainty. I was driving the other day in the massive snowstorm and I came around a turn and skidded for a moment; and when I regained control I was estatic. It was just that second; the split second when the road was fighting the ditch for my car and the road won. I had slipped for a second; just a moment of release from a day of controlling conversations, deposits, computers, schedules, lunches, sales, and what I ate for lunch. I lost control for just a second...and I remained calm.
But the thing that ocurred to me next probably confirmed my suspicions that I may, in fact, be a bit of a control freak. It wasn't really the moment that I lost control that gave me that surge of seratonin. It was the moment I regained it. And then I realized that I enjoy losing control because I love regaining it. It's the simple things, like gaining a pound so I can lose it again. Or falling behind on my sales goals so I can prove to myself that I am good at what I do. Or doing doughnuts in a parking lot. It's the fact that I have this newfound talent of staying calm no matter what storm is headed my way.
When I was younger, I panicked about everything that came my way. Seriously. If there was a small storm, I would panic about the possibility of a tornado. If there was a snow storm, what would I do if I was snowed in? If something broke, what would I do?
I think I relish in losing control because it's the first time I've allowed myself to do it; and when I do, for that split second, maybe I gain even more control because then, THEN, I control the situation and the situation doesn't controls me.
Pretty deep insights for a skid around a corner on a snowy day, huh?
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
nirbhao:
I'm glad you're still alive to tell the tale, girlie
ultraman:
pucker factor in full effect! enlightening... 