eireann

I will begin this journal entry with a funny picture.
This is my father and SaraBeth's cat.



Funny and cute, I know.

I have been writing papers.
Nothing really all that great, except doing a lot of reflection.
I know what I want but I seem to lack the ability to get it.
Very interesting.
Applying grad schools.
__________________________
Who stands in the way of tomorrows pain when apathy has attempted a revolution in my heart but it's all in vain?
you.
will
die without knowing the very fever that wakes me in the night.
I will suffer through my sleep praying for the fantasy of dreams to overtake my torturous reality.
Sixteen times I will pray for the clarification.

The inadequacy of me has become more and more apparent. I have learned to be a substitute for...
what
you
really want.
I can make believe for real and live in the shadows of your imaginary light.
I cannot find the plug to fill the whole as I bleed my mind into the cup and pray that
no one will notice
that.
I will never have what I want.
I am simply
the sugar substitute for a diabetic craving sugar.