In the last week I started running through a question that has always seemed to bother me.
ZACHARY's SIDEBAR & GRILL
This is one of those examples where it is assumed I am being "negative". 'Bother me' seems to be quicker. And I am not a negative person. Really. I just seem to look at the worst-case scenario or deconstruct things and notice the bad and work toward the positive. Most people walk away 45 seconds into my rambling discourse so I can see how that I might be perceived as negative.
I say "bother me" and really what I mean is that those times of the day when you don't need or seem to utilize a lot of brain power. You ponder the question while walking up and/or down an aisle at Trader Joe's. Filling the dead period after ordering coffee and trying to avoid small talk with the other inmates of this caffeine deprived internment camp waiting for your fix. Or simply waiting for me to get to the point. While our brains need 'filler' material this is one of those questions that seems do take a life of its own.
You go into a unstructured sequence of thought that bobs and weaves itself to other questions that have less than definitive answers. Those half-answers lead to other questions and another infinite layer of an already complex web. A slight twist in the context changes the answers for all the questions and you find yourself deeper than you realized. This is generally when someone has to honk the horn to get your ass moving through the intersection or you get caught in a meeting off guard and cover by nodding your head your head and smiling.
What once was a simple question becomes a trudging adventure through your own life and the life of everyone else. A question that binds and scatters the human connection and becomes a valid reason to turn around and look for somebody whipping you with a cat o' nine tails. Thinking isn't supposed to take this much out of you to the point it is physically hurts. At some point there has to be and end (or a point), right?
Anyway.
I posed the question to some people at random - people I don't know at all. I am only connected to them through MySpace (aren't we all). I've never been in the same room with any of them. Just a few short messages back and forth.
The question is as follows:
How can I ask a girl to go out and do something without it being seen as a boy/girl date like thing? It seems that no matter how much I stress that it's not a "romantic date" the message never registers.
Or I stress it too much and I think they get self-conscious that I wouldn't want to date them.
Then there's the flip side where I guess I don't stress it enough and they jump me in the parking lot and stick their tongue down my throat. Which puts me in the position of going through the motions and not hurting their feelings. .
As you can tell even the most honest question can have an honest answer that is not cut and dry. Or it is and I unconsciously refuse to see or acknowledge it?
How would you answer, or attempt to answer? Stop what you are doing and get on this. The follow up on that answer. I have a few responses already and I am going to seek permissions to post them.
What are the logical follow up questions? What if they refuse to do something because they think you are 'hitting on them'? What happens if you find out you would like to see them in a different context? What happens if they do jump you in the parking lot and you are 'okay' with that at least for the next 6 hours? What if you end up jumping them and everybody is fine with that? What if you mention a friend of theirs and they throw a tantrum about it?
ME. . .pondering.
I could think about this more, but I have a Logic exam tomorrow to study for. If anything comes up and your answered is revealed in process, I'll shoot on back by and let you know