egorgry

I'm not sleeping tonight I just know it. My ex wife always calls me with relationship problems and asks for advice. now a divorce is hard enough but this is more than I can take sometimes. I don't want to disapoint her but I don't want to get all stressed out and depressed again. She left me for my depression and cutting so she knows how I can get hell she forced me to the hospital when she found me wandering around teh house with a carpet knife looking for a place to kill myself. So now I'm wide awake and not depressed but I feel like I need to talk, and I'm so terrible and asking for help. I feel liek no one can be bothered and I'm not worth their time. I'm just sad and lonley I guess, not depressed but definitely sad. I mean I don't want to kill myself or anything but When I get stressed teh first thing I go to is the cutting. I don't think that ever goes away as a means of coping. I'll sit here and give myself amillion reasons not to do it but it seems like the only choice. It feels right. I've been thinking about it a lot and I miss it. Anyway, My husky mix howles in his sleep, like awolf it's so cool. I love that dog and it's my dogs that keeps me going. They need me and they love me unconditionally, that's somethign most people are not capable of. I'm rambaling but I'm wired and I can't sleep.