eero

i don't smoke cigarettes, but i fucking should.

1. i'm starting to spend all my money on necessities, and that's just bullshit. i mean, i could get food and pay my bills the old fashioned way...by murdering those who try to make me pay for stuff. all my hard earned money should definately go towards cigarettes from here on out.

2. i don't smell badly enough as is. it's a fact. i could smell worse, and by god i will.

3. i eat too much. i'd rather have yellow fingers and teeth than an extra ten pounds of squish making my pants actually fit rather than sag.

4. i say way too much funny shit. i need to take a drag immediately afterwards, that way i could look like i didn't say anything funny at all, and people would begin to wonder if i was joking, or if i'm just insane.

5. i look damn good when i smoke.

6. i get to say cool shit when i smoke. almost as if i'm the hero in an action movie, and i just killed a villain. (by the way, villain is a cool-ass word that i mean to say at least 4 times a day now) "could you pass the ketchup?" someone would say, and i'd be all like, "here you go, toots." and exhale some smoke all badass-like. and i could get away with squirting them with the ketchup without getting smacked, which i haven't been able to before.

7. i look really fucking good when i smoke.


goddamn sexy even.